Quality Assurance Inspectors?

I have heard of people refer to their dogs of stealing things in their house. Others state it is called borrowing. And then there are those that say their dogs eat and swallow things in order to hide the evidence. Since Max and Peanut don’t hide what they take nor readily give it up easily I have to insist it is neither one, instead it how Max became our Quality Assurance Inspector and Peanut his QA assistant. Beau is our latest addition to the Quality Assurance team and in apprenticeship at the moment.

Now why would I state this fact? Because that is exactly what they do! They check out things to make sure they are up to code specifications. Moreover, my dogs really do care about our well being, testing all different products to ensure our safety needs are met at all times.

Max tests my panties to see if the elastic stretches just right, not too tight nor too loose. He then proceeds to taste the cloth to see if the texture is what the labels says: cotton versus nylon. Peanut then will give the 2nd opinion when Max either deems it necessary or is uncertain. Same with Spaulding balls…do they bounce correctly? Each and every time as well. Can they split easily hence the need to chew them for approximately 3 to 5 minutes at daily intervals. Additionally, how much syrup of Ipecac is needed in one’s home for emergencies with unsafe practices and/or products that can cause discomfort or digestive issues? Seriously, we need to also consider the health of quality assurance inspectors too.

Quality Assurance Inspection is top notch in my house. Socks are tested to see if they unravel with the slightest licking or chewing, especially the ones that have the reinforced toes on them. Towels are tested for dryer durability. Max and Peanut simulate a dryer by running and tumbling with the towel each one holding an end. If it can withstand multiple tests weekly it is good enough to go in our wash then dryer. Next are old worn out boots and sneakers. Once they tear easily they are no longer safe to wear and need to be thrown out. (Note: rubber cement glue does not hold up more than a few weeks) Coats are left alone as they usually have an inspector tag and number inside one of the pockets when you buy them.

Those illegal tags that warn you not to remove them, well those are put to the test for major store chains right here in our humble household. Unfortunately, I have not been able to convince these stores their tags are not up to our standards as they tear off easily. Well that is what Max and Peanut not only told me but showed me just the other day.

Quality Assurance is not an easy job as it takes much patience, thought, training, and practice. Moreover, one has to have thick skin in order to be a QA inspector to stand up to differing opinions in a human household. Humans and dogs do not always see eye to eye, especially when our QA inspectors run off with their next item to test out. Dave and I are wondering when we should fire them and offer them a different career but the dishwasher position hasn’t opened up yet—-that’s our teenagers’ job still. Doing laundry is out of the question, which is my job. Hold on, Dave is complaining now saying he helps (once in a blue moon) with the laundry. Okay, I just made Dave feel better and said he is my laundry assistant. (Glad that one is settled) Dave is also the part-time outdoor grill chef. Something tells me our food does not need canine QA inspecting as of yet. We are running out of ideas as to what other jobs Max and Peanut could apply for in our house. Beau is too young for working papers. And taking out the garbage is out of the question. For now, we’ll let them stay QA inspectors but conference with them as to what really needs inspecting and what should be left alone.

As of present day, we have all agreed TV remotes, computer mouse and keyboards, and plants are safe for us to use daily and do not need inspection. Empty gallon plastic jugs still get tested to see how well they withstand falling down and not busting. We are let known also when a plant is in need of watering to maintain optimal health. How is this accomplished is one of our QA inspectors either bite the leaf or see how easily it pulls off and then shove their nose in the dirt to test the dryness level. How can I ever thank them enough for the wondrous help they provide free of charge?

My big overstuffed red basketball slippers that are not nonskid, Peanut just informed me yesterday that they rip easily and are way overstuffed. Lucky for me, Peanut was able to fix the overstuffing problem. The slippers are now slimmer and have better ventilation via holes in them. The non-skid problem has yet to have a solution at the moment. Beau is thinking over too as he has a problem skidding on our floors and keeps studying his own paws as well. He is a thinker for sure!

Cell phones are usually left alone along with remote controls. But a Bluetooth for hands free talking was just tested for shock resistance, durability and operation under stress. Max’s mouth recently was flashing blue! Dave informed me to get Max quickly as he was taking his job as QA too seriously. I let Max take off early from work that night and finally was handed a sopping wet, chewed up, possibly toothless, Bluetooth device. After a night of recharging, it still didn’t work or at least for 3 days. This toothless device came back to life, people sound smaller and quieter but it does work for now. Once again, my QA inspectors have proven which items hold up to their testing standards. Question is do I dare write to any companies informing them of the testing methods we do and how well they do or don’t hold up to industry standards?

So all in all I would say we are pretty darn fortunate to have built in QA inspectors ready, willing and able to complete any job that needs their attention. I do not need to read consumer reports or studies done on particular products as our dogs are the best QA inspectors in the business! We already know how far and wide elastic bands can stretch, how long a plastic food bowl with a rubber bottom lasts, and when shoes need to be thrown out for safety reasons. Recalls of products are a thing of the past! But we do call our dogs and recall them over and over again. Sometimes they heed our recall other times they develop their own. All in all we feel we have honest, sincere, genuine loving dogs that do not steal nor borrow items from us in this house. Instead they constantly provide loving care and guidance for us to pay attention to what NOT to buy again in the future, thus saving us money on products that do not last like stated on a label or instruction booklet. We are truly blessed and wish each and every one of you to have your very own personal canine QA inspector in your household.

Remember, the bright side is they don’t take sick days, holidays, do not get paid overtime or need disability and lucky for them they don’t pay taxes. To-date there has not been any mention of workers compensation when they have banged into a wall when testing a particular product. Instead they offer this service totally free of charge each and every time.

Update of newest recall: the seams on the back of wool throw rugs come off easily and need reinforcing. A loose thread on a rug needs immediate sewing or becomes unraveled quickly thereby posing a health hazard. Bluetooth devices do become toothless after a couple of QA tests. Real fur products on winter hats and coats pose an allergy hazard and must be destroyed.

Will wonders never cease? Or will I continuously be truly blessed to have 3 of the best quality assurance inspectors? Eat your heart out.

I am so fortunate to have 3 of the best, loving canine quality assurance inspectors in the world, that love my family and I so much that they ensure we life safely on a daily basis.

P.S. Remember, quality assurance inspectors do not come by their talent easily. One needs to let them develop their career with patience, guidance, love and a sense of humor at all times.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

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Dogs and the cost of their toys

We all realize the real costs of owning a dog AFTER going to our vet’s office for the 1st set of shots and possible emergency visit. But what about when we are off to Petsmart or Petco or any store that sells pet supplies?

First of all, the list contains multiple items, such as: a crate, leash, collar, dog food, bowls for food and water, a doggy bed, shampoo, conditioner, treats, and let’s not forget “Nature’s Miracle” for those far and few between “accidents” while housetraining a puppy. I am not going to add up all these costs for you or myself, as any dog owner already knows this: it comes to a lot of money, period. And those of you with children, dogs cost considerably less than a baby or should I say a teenager?

Fine, right? It is part of having a wonderful cute sweet adorable puppy. Besides how else are you going to take great pictures of your dog playing? YOU need toys when in reality we are supposed to say, “Your dog is the one who needs toys”. I have found that even men love to shop for dog toy which truly amazes me. Ever go to a pet store and look at a special stuffed animal that may cost $20 or more? A woman will say that is too much money and put it back. Or rather there are some of us women that love to find a good deal and realize it isn’t, so we put the toy back. Whereas Dave, my fiancé, will purchase it right then and there. He is a man that knows a good deal when he sees it: our two doodles will play for hours first having a tug of war party then move on to the de-squeak and de-fuzz stage meanwhile he can watch a movie in peace. That kind of logic can make sense but women love to hunt down the best deal (on toys). It is part of our genetic make up. As they say a man will pay $20 for a $10 item if he thinks he needs it or will give him freedom. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item even if we don’t need it because it was on sale and a good deal.

Not too long ago, while sipping my coffee and relaxing at my dining room table, Max and Peanut had almost every toy they own scattered around me. When I got up to get my caffeine refill I realized my two dogs had as many toys as a 3 to 5 year old! Was I nuts?! Or had Dave and I become like my friends that treat their dogs like their babies? Guilty as charged. Now came the part of adding up the cost of toys for Max. I’ll add in the “Peanut” factor later.

1. One eviscerated 3 foot long skunk now squeaker-less but tasty: $26.99 (Dave’s logic of a good deal).

2. Intact with squeaker but de-fuzzed and slightly de-seamed 2 foot long Moose and Buffalo $40.00 (And yes, Dave also bought these due to male logic).

3. Two ducks licked to death and only one quacks but is still missing a foot: $20.00

4. One white and blue intact KONG teether that will bounce crazily if thrown: $8.00 but priceless if you ask me.

5. Miscellaneous small plush squeaker toys no longer replaced as we found out that “carcasses” are still considered fun to further shred: $30.00 to-date.

6. Tennis balls now in a landfill somewhere stripped of fuzz and with holes in them: $15.00

7. A 5 squeaker Felix the cat now down to 3 squeakers, partially stuffed and in bad need of a washing: $9.00

8. Big rubber teething ring totally intact with very few teeth marks to-date: $4.99 (one of my better deals I found).

9. Soccer ball found at Goodwill and still not deflated: $1.00 (wow!)

10. Two wiggly jiggly alien sounding rubber balls, one no longer has sound and the other has a few puncture marks but both still are safe from destruction: $14.00

11. One small, red, rubber KONG ball that is missing again and not under my couch or chairs as I checked those spots first: $8.00

12: Miscellaneous costs: you do NOT want to know. This is when you realize the cost goes up consid
erably. Why? Because it is expensive to replace a pair of shoes, one pair of winter boots, one pair of prescription glasses with puppy teeth marks that makes it hard to see out of them clearly, a wool rug with a nice oblong 3 by 7 inch hole, at least 12 pairs of socks to-date (maybe more), one hooded sweatshirt that is missing its hood, one set of headphones with the sound part not in working order presently, one Bluetooth presently toothless and going to a landfill soon, and I am going to be sick if I continue on any further.

13. Cost of playing with your dog and receiving their unending love: PRICELESS.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLTION: Get PROMOTED at work to make more $$$$ in order to buy more toys and keep up with miscellaneous costs. Or work overtime? Or pick up a part-time job on the side? OR learn to let my dogs only have the toys listed above that last and keep playing with the ones that are still recognizable in one form or another. Do not throw them out until they are considered hazardous to their digestive system and my purse.

Yes folks, my priorities have finally been set for me by a dog. So why use Visa or MasterCharge when you can pay as you go? Thus, no finance charges—isn’t that a savings? Moreover, I forgot to add in the cost of a digital camera. Actually the cost is not much when compared to the pictures and memories I have taken and stored to-date. OH regarding Peanut: the cost does not go up with a second dog. As Peanut, our second dog, loves hand-me-downs. Fantastic! Two doodle dogs provide my family and I with two times the love and all the money in the world could not buy the fun, laughter and love we experience. For some reason I have stopped adding up the cost of my dogs’ toys as it now seems minimal. Spending more time with my family and dogs is counted on more.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

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