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02-24-2010, 05:19 PM
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,744
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For those of you that do your own grooming...
Saw this on another forum and had to share.... author unknown.
Those of you that are older like me & grooming=pain ought to get a good laugh out of it!!! Resume of a self-taught dog groomer Resume of a Self Taught and Self Starter Dog Groomer One part of dog done each day until completion of groom Approx. Time Needed: 5 working days Techniques Applied for Day #1: Turn on the Boob Tube Find two hour long old Glenn Ford movie .. 1/2 hour per paw Lay out tools ... clippers, scissors and nail clippers Pull dog out from behind easy chair Put dog on its back in middle of floor Sit down beside dog .. position my feet so they do not develop cramps Scissor bottom of each pad and in between each toe Shave top part of each paw Clip the nails Drag myself up using easy chair as a lever Give dog a treat Vacuum up dog hair Call it a day Techniques Applied for Day #2: Turn on the Boob Tube Find 1 hour program .. Sally JR works well .. 1/2 hour per ear Gather up equipment .. clippers, scissors, tweezers, ear cleaner, cotton balls, Q-tips Hide equipment in towel and place on floor Trick dog .. Offer dog treat to get her out from behind easy chair Put dog on floor by towel Sit down next to dog Position legs around dog..don't bend ankles as won't be able to straighten back up after 15 min. Shave outside of ear Shave inside of ear Place fingers as not to cut ear and scissor around edges .. learned from AMTPW Pluck hair from inside of each ear Clean each ear Let screaming dog loose Crawl over to easy chair Pray that you will be able to get up Ease up very slowly to a standing position Give dog a treat Vacuum up hair Call it a day Techniques Applied for Day #3: Turn on the Boob Tube Find 1/2 hour sit-com .. Excellent Choice: The Golden Girls Lock screen door .. dog has caught on Plug in clippers Holler to dog "Let's go bye-bye" Grab dog by collar Tug dog over to clippers Get down on knees Shave dog's body and legs in "Hit and Miss" pattern Stop shaving when both you and clippers have become too "HOT" Crawl on knees to easy chair Tell hubby you will make him lunch if he will help you get up Forget the treat .. dog has completely disappeared Vacuum up hair Call it a day Techniques Applied for Day #4: Turn on the Boob Tube Find 1/2 hour program ... try: Funniest Home Videos Lock screen door Dead bolt front door Put portable phone on easy chair Slip clippers and scissors in pants waistband and cover with shirt tails Close drapes .. darkened room makes it appear like feeding time Open can dog food .. using electric opener for sound effects Yell to dog "Let's eat" Pick up confused dog and carry to living room floor Sit down very carefully .. remembering scissors in waistband Face dog towards you Keep knees slightly bent or will not be able to crawl over to easy chair when finished Shave top of dog's head without giving a too severe razor burn With scissors .. trim dog's beard and eyebrows If they are not perfecting matched ... solutions are: #1: Tilt dog's head to left or right #2: Leave drapes closed #3: Have a few wine coolers Crawl on all fours over to easy chair Using portable phone ... dial 911 Take deep breaths until help arrives Go get potential escapee dog out of fire truck Give dog a treat Vacuum up hair Make pitcher of wine coolers .. love that solution #3 Call it a day Techniques Applied for Day #5: Put on CD .. Best selection: Splish Splash Run tub full of water Invite dog outside Chase dog around yard Tackle dog when distracted at gopher hole Express anal glands .. ignore dirty look from dog Carry dog into bathroom Put dog in tub Strip Down Lather up and bathe dog Let water out of tub and rinse dog well Close shower doors Go retrieve forgotten towels Oops .. drapes open .. shocked neighbors think Halloween has arrived early Towel dry dog Put towels on floor for dog to slide back and forth on Clean tub Put clothes back on Sit on toilet seat and give big sigh of relief Give dog a treat Call it a day If you are impressed with my 5 day resume and would like to employ me at your shop .. Please call. Those shops that do not provide employees with a television set, need not call. All offers will be considered after I have undergone 10 weeks of chiropractic treatments. Thank you! |
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There is another forum? Are you two-timing us Jac and Judi?
Gotta stay on top of things, you know!
