Pooper scooper… the real scoop on poop !

So what’s the scoop? This article is not for the squeamish as it’s really about being a expert Pooper Scooper as a second career in life when you own one or more dogs. Little did I realize back in the fall of October 2006 that I would once again be getting much more poop to deal with, but this time it wasn’t coming from my kids, family, friends or work. NOPE, my own dogs would give more poop than carter had pills.

Now those who own dogs realize how easily when amongst others the conversation can turn to poop without a moment’s notice. We discuss the perfect poop almost wanting to frame a picture of it—jokingly with a hint of seriousness that does confuse non-dog possessing people.

So what does it take to be the Grand Poohbah of pooping scooping? Not much besides a sense of humor, strong stomach, gloved hands, STRONG plastic bags doubled up, old shoes or boots, and beyond that a sense of responsibility to keeping your yard from looking like a land mine practice field.

Now from the past 2.5 years of experience I have had my fair share of poop, feeling quite confident that I am no longer an apprentice pooper scooper. In fact I will proudly state that I am officially almost an expert as of present day and will proceed to share my expertise in what poop should look like, when the best time of year, day and season is to being a great speedy and efficient pooper scooper. Note: after reading this article you may end up wanting to be the official POOPER SCOOPER of your canine household along with having a “Grand Ole Time” perfecting your skills while laughing out loud outside. Your neighbors will perhaps think you’ve lost it but we know the truth, so don’t worry about a thing.

When is the best time of year? Why it’s late winter of course. Sorry for you that live in warmer climates where there is no snowfall however the types of poops, how to get it up without getting it on you just may be amusing and of use to you as well. So while I try not to exclude anyone, take what you want and discard the rest. Please don’t give me any poop as I do get enough on a daily basis. Now back to the best time of year.

Late winter is great as you have temporary thaws and/or days where the sun will shine and slightly defrost the “poopsicles” that decorate your yard. NOW for some of us, pooper scooping is done 1 to 2 times a month during winter as snow cover and ice can make it difficult to perform and perfect your job of being a dutiful pooper scooper which brings me to the best time of day: late morning on a sunny day if possible. Oh wait, Sunday mornings are also optimal as you will most likely be in a relaxed happy mood further aiding your motivation.

Remember though that if it’s sunny and around 10:30am to 11:00 am the poop on the north side will be more frozen than the east and south side. The west side poopsicles may be the same consistency of the north side. I know you all appreciate this helpful hint. NOW preparing for your job:

1. Mind prep: you are getting fresh air, vitamin D from the sun, EXERCISE and I guarantee if you follow my advice you will end up having a good laugh even if you have a bad back.
2. What to wear: steel tipped or hard toed shoes or boots, old leather gloves with cashmere or thinsulate lining. For those that can handle cold temps go right ahead and wear those rubber gloves. Next, ski pants or thermal underwear as you will be out there for at least on hour or more. Please wear a hat as you do lost most of your warmth via your head and forget the cup of coffee, have that BEFORE you go out so you’re wide awake and don’t stumble into a pile of softened poop on the south side. I will assume you will put on an old warm winter coat and leave your camera INSIDE the house. Why? Because we need a good imagination for this type of work and your hands to be free to perform a wonderful gratifying and fun job in life when you have dogs.
3. Last but not least: Do this alone as others will only distract you thereby making you miss a poopsicle or two and/or disrupting a peaceful time spent alone enjoying the serenity of the day and further aiding your concentration to the task at hand.
4. All those little plastic bags you bring your groceries home in ? These are great to use and you can double bag them before going out and then put them into one large kitchen garbage bag. Once outside tie the large bag holding he smaller double bagged plastic bags to a railing, or onto something they won’t blow off of and cause you to run down the street across neighbors’ yards looking like a complete fool giving them something to further aid their notion that you’re a nut.
5. Shame shame on you IF you’re one of those that have a pooper scooper service you PAY to do this job.

Okay by now you should have the right frame of mind and be quite prepared. Let’s proceed outside where the real fun begins!!!

Which sides (aka sunny exposure) of the yard does one begin a pooper scooper task? The EAST of course but you must remember that you have to work fast and also decide which poopicles aren’t worth the effort and move forward. While I could be charging for this information I wont’ and this is all for FREE. NOTE: those with a bad back you can always use tiger balm once back inside or whatever you do to alleviate back aches but drinking before noon is a no-no thus not listed as an aid.

The north side does blend somewhat into the east side and this is where you will begin. Notice how quiet it is outside with the sun shining brightly allowing you to see partially uncovered poopsicles. A sense of humor will slowly occur while you see all diverse kinds of poopsicles and the hunt for the perfect poop will enter your thoughts. Wow, so much poop! Go ahead let out a big sigh and look around to make sure neighbors aren’t watching you as this should be a private relaxing time.

As you start to pick up poopsicles you will now realize some are stuck solidly to the ground with a small piece breaking off. Do not be alarmed this is totally normal and means you have to move a tad more over the EAST side of your yard. Initially you will be able to easily pick up the slightly thawed poopsicles with much ease barely leaving a trace behind with it landing into the bag on your arm quite nicely. You will also feel quite proud of yourself but don’t get over confident quite yet as you will be challenged soon. Remember I am here to help.

All of a sudden there is some poop you see that you missed on the EAST side but it seems to be stubborn. You will turn and try twisting it and still this poopsicle persists in staying on the ground. Next you find a stick and poke it realizing complete failure to obtain another poopsicle. Finally you will try to kick it and OUCH that hurt! Oh wouldn’t that be a great one to explain to the ER doctor on how you broke your toe! This is why I stated earlier to wear steel tipped or hard toed footwear. Eventually, the coffee you had earlier and the pain you just felt will enable your brain cells to think properly: move on the next poopsicle as this one isn’t worth the trouble. Keep in mind you must work quickly as it’s cold outside and if you don’t the south side poopsicles will be mushy and full of scientific wonders (to be explained shortly).

You are now on your way to becoming an intermediate pooper scooper. Believe me these are tried and truthful methods I have perfected over the past 2.5 years and kept a secret till now. So while I am baring my soulful pooper scooper ways to be kind, helpful and save you much misery and/or some poop getting on your hands, bear in mind that this is factual with a sense of humor.  Life and dogs present much poop on a daily basis thus laughing is a great stress reducer.

Back to poopsicles. Notice the missing pair of socks? NO? Oh you will once you get to the south side of yard where the real fun begins especially if it is approaching 11:20am or later. That beautiful sunshine has now allowed you to see all the colors of the rainbow and missing items in your house. Okay some you didn’t realize were missing till now. Then before you know it, your mind wanders and these poopsicle piles are of varying consistencies which are NOT due to the thawing process either.

Yes folks, there is the diverse poops that now can be coined/labeled into categories such as:

1. The Dirt Bomb Poop: a dry poop that almost blows into the wind as it consists of the dirt from your dog surfing your houseplants and somehow managed to digest more dirt than food. Don’t ask this is one of the wonders of the world not stated in books.
2. The Sandy Grainy Poop: I have NO clue for this type of poop as i do not have sand in my house or in my yard and have given up trying to solve this mystery poop. I’d rather laugh! Oh wait, if you fed your dog rice previously this might be one explanation. Additionally, upon seeing this one might get alarmed your dog has worms or some other parasite. Relax you’d see it in the other poop in your yard.
3. The Paper Snake Poop: One of my favorites! Easy to pick up and relief is felt that it isn’t a tape worm or your panties. This is all the paper napkins your dog ate when you weren’t looking. Buy some stock in bounty if you want to replace the money you spend on napkins and move on if life. Dogs eat many things, paper napkins are a delicacy they truly enjoy.
4. The Brightly Colored Almost Psychedelic Poop: Aha! The missing pieces of a beheaded duck, rubber ball, or other toys you buy for your dog well you just found out how much the like that toy!
5. The Hard Solid Poop with the Soft Center: What this means is you aren’t working fast enough and may end up with poop getting on your gloves. So come on, work a bit faster.
6. The Pudding Poop: This is where I draw the line and let nature take over as decomposition will hopefully happen by or before springtime. Walk away from this one and realize if you dog is healthy now at one time they weren’t. This is not a time for analyzation, rather leave it alone as the south side of your yard is really warming things up.
7. The WHAT THE…POOP: These are always so much fun that you really do have to stop and get a closer look praying it will not smell foul as  you really are too curious to realize you are now getting into poop too deeply. This one is where you see something unrecognizable and usually end up getting a stick to try to identify this alien type of poop. Seriously, this is puzzling you with concerned thoughts till you reach success. Ohhhhhh, there’s the other part of my panties I didn’t find when my dog was eating them the other night. Or I need to talk to my teenage son about closing his door as dirty socks are too delicious for my dogs to refuse as a after dinner snack. Possibly it could be part of the squeaker and ducks foot they dismembered recently. Whatever, you will NOT leave nor stop poking and prodding this type of poop till you figure out exactly what it is! Why? Well for starters you will keep wondering about it and discussing it with family members later who will think you’re nuts. You might even ask them to come outside to take a look and help you identify it. Lastly, you will worry for a bit and also realize you have spent way too much time on one single poop. Like I said earlier, work quickly and you can always save this type of poop for last.
8. THE PERFECT POOP: Does it exist? YES! And once you discover it you are ready to do a happy dance and almost run back inside the house to take a picture of it!
9. The Tootsie Roll Poop: refer back to #8
10. The WHITE POOP ?!?! Yes this considered by some to be one of the most gratifying and near-perfect poops. It has decomposed properly, has no odor and will literally disintegrate within a fairly short period of time. Also refer back to #8.

By now you’ve probably filled at least 2 or 3 bags up and set them aside neatly tied with double knots as well as the east and south side of your yard is much more walk worthy and worry free. No more dodging or weaving…you can walk a straight path now, congrats! Wait, the west side, hmm perhaps which can be done next week? As the north side needs some tidying up. Trudge back over only to realize the sun isn’t shining and those frozen poops can stay put! If you’re a very responsible person you will trudge back over the west side again and pick up a few more poopsicles finally thinking, “Enough of this poop! I’m done for now!” (If you’re like me that is).

I will admit I usually have More than 2 bags filled up but will not admit to exact number of bags. Why should I as it would spoil the fun and then you would know HOW responsible I really am.  If you are smart though, you will have NOT filled up any bags too full so they break open when you place them in the large kitchen bag. Besides once you place all the filled bags of poopsicles into one bag, who’s going to lift it and place it the garbage? Okay, I’ll admit this: I could care less HOW HEAVY the final bag filled with poop is! Why? Because my job is done as I can get my other half or teenage son to pick it up and put it in the garbage can. If the bag is really heavy it also gives me HOPE that other family members will realize the work I do. If they don’t then I have the satisfaction of hearing them complain how heavy the bag was and how they hated throwing it in the garbage can.

I just had a thought: I always pray the bag doesn’t rip open on garbage day with the garbage company banning me from disposing of my dogs poop again! Thus I use hefty reinforced kitchen garbage bags. Oh don’t forget to TIP the garbage man nicely during the holidays as they don’t give you any poop about what is and isn’t allowed as “garbage”.

I don’t know about you but I’ve had enough poop, don’t want to discuss anymore poop, nor am I going to take any poop (to the garbage) —It’s not Sunday, it’s Saturday! Besides my dogs need to go out for a walk now.

Remember: no matter how much poop you receive, there is always two ways of looking at it: with a sense of humor or without. It’s your choice to take poop and laugh it off. Or to walk away from it and let it build up.

Have a poop free day; enjoy life and all your dogs have to give to you!  : )

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2009, Annmarie Sparks. <

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ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW IN LIFE…I’m relearning from my dogs?!?

 
Ok we many have heard of “all I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten”. As much as I may agree with that statement I am not in 100% agreement. ALL I needed to learn was STARTED as the ground rules of life that began in kindergarten. Marriage and Kids refreshed the same need, but right now I am in the middle of a refresher course from my dogs. YES you read that correctly and no I am not crazy nor have I “gone to the dogs”. Rather I am quite happy I have dogs that teach me as much as I try to teach them. Daily my dogs prove I am not a know-it-all and need to learn more.

1. IF you drop it, pick it up or a DOODLE will steal, swallow or give chase with it. Dogs remind us to practice daily cleanliness habits. Kids and spouse help out in this area as well. Practice what you preach is the rule of thumb especially with dogs. Flip side, while a teenager leaves a wet towel on the floor, a spouse may walk over it, your dog will not let it go unnoticed and alert you to this fact.

2. Do not yell……a dog’s hearing is approx 8 times (or more) more acute than a human’s. YOUR DOG heard you the 1st time, but chose not to listen. Ever have dog run away from you? Since they’re canines we can’t say they’re just human but like humans who listens 100% of the time? Ever see a dog run away from someone angrily calling them to come back? I’d say that is one smart dog and maybe heard the expression “run for the hills”. A dog in some ways has needs like a human: kindness, forgiveness, and much more. I have heard of spouses completely ignoring their “other half’s” every word (some on a daily basis too). Or how about kids who choose to ignore or possibly forget rules and do as they please, yet we expect a dog to be perfect? Heck, how many times did we teach our dog to come when called and sometimes give them tons of praise along with a food treat? A dog will make mistakes and so do humans. Thus, I needed to learn this is a fact of life but yelling doesn’t solve it. Creative thinking, problem solving, communication and guidance skills are necessary for optimal results. Add in a sense of humor as it does help get through a “rough” day.

3. Patience and training are part of an essential daily diet of love. Kids and dogs don’t raise themselves. WE all forget things and need reminders, we all need 2nd chances. If a child needs to be told something 4000 times before it is committed to short term memory, why not give a dog the same chance? I know, a dog remembers to sit, stay, heel, lie down, fetch, but cannot remember to leave your socks alone or not be tempted to eat a pork tenderloin cooling off on your kitchen counter unattended. How many of you have woken up to see the last bit of cheesecake, leftovers and other good edibles gone without admission of the guilty party? Possibly ”guilty till proven innocent” has some merit with dogs? Dogs are not kids, they are animals and animals are food scavengers as well as domesticated animals that need direction via training. No training = no rules and they then will follow instinctual direction.

4. Unconditional love: own a doodle or any dog for that matter, and you will experience it, as words alone cannot describe it fully. Ever try leaving a room for 5 seconds, 5 minutes or leave for 5 hours and see how they greet you each and every time. They aren’t moody, nor hold a grudge, want to demand to know why you are late coming home, or tell you that they don’t like how you’re acting. No, a dog is eager to share his love with you every chance they get regardless of your mood. A dog eagerly awaits to greet you lavishing you with tail wags faster than a propeller, kisses wetter than a kitchen sponge and some even try to rest their head on your lap giving the soulful ” I love YOU” look and patiently wait for your loving touch and voice.

5. We have friends, family, outings, work, etc…your dog only has you for their companionship. So if you dog is acting up, like a little kid, could it be that they may be just trying to get your attention for a little while? One friend of mine has a dog that when she is on the phone will take off all the magnets on her refrigerator bringing each one to her separately, any other time all magnets stay intact. Maybe actions do speak louder than words or a big bark or soft long sigh.

6. Walking a dog for potty time isn’t just that…it can enable you both some time to relax, unwind, stop and smell the roses (if there’s any around but watch out for thorns), get some good old fashioned exercise, fresh air and a chance to bond. I really do not like cold winter arctic weather aka temperatures below 40 degrees F but each and every time I go out with my dogs I appreciate the serenity of fresh fallen snow resting not only on the ground but also on the trees painting a whole new landscape waiting for my dogs and I to enjoy and leave our fun filled footprints. Ok, if you’re wearing ski gear, warm boots, gloves, scarf and a hat and no one is looking then you can do a snow angel reliving your childhood for a few moments while your dogs come bouncing along to give you kisses and/or join you in the fun. So while I dread the coldness of winter, my dogs teach me the beauty, peacefulness and fun one can have if you just let your hair down forgetting reality and appreciate each season. If you view it through a dog’s eyes you think more simplistic letting go of the day’s worries and end up laughing how a dog catches snowflakes, bounces like a bunny, and so much more. They’re almost like being with a toddler that only knows how to live in the moment.

7. Talking to you dog is not silly! A dog reads body language and can size you up faster than you can say “Jack Robinson” and knows by the tone of your voice if you’re happy, upset, angry, or want to play. Dogs can’t talk human language but they need to hear human voices. I know many people who talk to themselves saying it helps them stay organized. So why not talk to a dog that will give you head tilts, quizzical looks and let you ramble on as much as you want without a complaint or an objection.

8. Hugging and kissing a dog…dogs and humans need touch. Some trainers will say dogs do not like to be hugged. I beg to differ. Maybe mine like hugs because I used it as a way of praise and love since they were small puppies. Or maybe they like sensing that love that radiates from a sincere loving hugs. I am not going to analyze a hug; instead I’d suggest just giving it a try sometime.

9. A Sense of Humor…without one, life is miserable. No further explanation needed. And I do believe it has been stated laughter is good medicine for the soul.

10. Will your dog ever make you angry, frustrated, cry, and want to scream and/or wonder why you even got a dog in the first place? Is the pope Catholic? Have you ever experienced the same exact feelings with your children, spouse, siblings and/or parents? Think about it, what in life comes easy and without some effort? AND if it did, would you appreciate and love it as much? OR do we learn by our mistakes, by trial and error and by the teachings of our parents, schooling, and life? If you want an easy “perfect life” do not have kids, dogs, or a spouse. Oh, don’t own a home either as all of require work. Instead please win the lotto jackpot, buy an island in the south pacific and hire people to do all the work leaving you to enjoy another day in paradise.

11. If at first you don’t succeed, try try again or get some help! A dog only lives 10 to 15 years on the average. What a short time to learn as many say a dog is mature by 2 to 3 years old. How long did it take you to learn and mature? And if you have kids, are they fully mature at 18 years old?

If you are unable to train your dog according to your liking there are obedience classes for YOU and YOUR dog to learn together. I know I’ve been to them with both my dogs. Why repeat a class you just did with one dog? Because you can still learn more and as everyone is a unique individual so is you dog. Besides, it gets you out of house, makes you think twice, sometimes the dog is doing things right and you aren’t, so your dog is now confused. Lastly, I can guarantee there will much laughter during 8 weeks of obedience training classes. Lastly, it’s cheaper than a gym membership as you will come home exhausted but with a determination to work harder and learn more [with your dog]. You might even figure out teenagers are harder than training a dog. I know of marriages that after 20 years they say their spouse still is an overgrown kid.

12. I am what is called an adult in “middle age” approaching the hill. How do I know this? There are so many charts, polls and little boxes to check with age groups. I have gray hair that I manage to conceal 90% of the time, wrinkles edging their way slowly on my face and lastly, my birth certificate confirms my exact age. I am supposed to be the teacher of life as I’ve gone through much schooling from kindergarten to college, raised children, married with in-laws, divorced, and thus been through 40+ years of experience of life. And no I am not telling you my real age as it isn’t necessary. So with all I have learned to date?

I have learned something else: dogs will teach you more than you can imagine. I thought I earned my stripes and can honestly play the role of a teacher. Silly me, I complicated things by having 2 doodle dogs. I am a student once again having basic principles of what I need to learn in life being reinforced on top of being both a teacher and student of life once again. For those of you not good at multitasking, don’t’ worry with practice you get better.

13. The little things in life really are big. They sure are! Ever home alone, long day at work, kids are off and about, spouse may be working overtime or out with friends or family? It’s just you and your dog(s), all you hear is the tick tock of a clock while sitting down to relax not wanting anyone or anything to bother you. Then something happens you try to ignore, your dog nudges with their nose and maybe you say, “no not now” or you push their nose lightly away. Something inside you makes you look at your dog only to see a pair of eyes soulfully staring you filled only with sincere love. Your heart melts; you smile and lean down to hug your dog now seeing their tail wagging faster than a helicopter blade. That one quiet moment of taking a mere second that has a memory of lasting a lifetime. So small in some people’s eyes but so big in other’s hearts. The tiniest gesture of caring, taking a moment with a dog that is offering you their attention to help you relax from your day, something money never can buy. What some may call “Zen moment”. Total serenity without a real thought just an awesome feeling.

14. Time flies when you’re having fun. While I may go through stages of my dogs stealing a sock, swallowing a dishtowel, shredding my tax bill, barking at the wind blowing, I also go through stages where I learn that my dog is teaching me life goes by quickly so why not try to enjoy it with love, patience, understanding and we both need more training to learn and grow. My dogs also teach me to use this with my own family as well. One day they’re puppies and before you realize it, they’re full grown almost mature dogs listening much better than previously making you almost wish that puppyhood were still existent. Don’t worry they will when you least expect it and then you wish will for them to behave. This is where you are supposed to laugh realizing no one is infallible which makes life much more interesting and valuable.

Enjoy your day, I have to go as my dogs are waiting for me to take them out and possibly learn a bit more about them and myself.

 

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2008, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

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Designer Dog? Hybrid? Mutt? OR are Doodles the Best Kept Secret in Town?

Doodles, what are they? For hearsay, I am talking about just a Labradoodle and Goldendoodle though to-date there are numerous poodle mixes being coined as “Designer Dogs” in news articles, magazines, by pedigree breeders, and other organizations with set standard rules on form, structure, temperament, size, weight and more.

So why does the term Designer Dog ruffle a few feathers or at times denote a negative image? If you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it, walk a mile in my shoes [with a doodle on the other end of a leash], or possibly do some research. Lastly, read articles, such as mine, and see why a Doodle was originally created and how they go beyond original expectations of the first breeding back in 1988.

So why was a Doodle originally created? Simply put, to be a service dog for those that are allergy sufferers that need a dog with excellent temperament, friendliness, high intelligence, no shedding to very low shedding coat, good health, and even more. Thus comes the mixing of excellent breeds of dogs that have to-date shown good results with doing guide, service and therapy work to helping others out. With mixing a Standard Poodle with either breed, Labrador Retriever or Golden Retriever, a tendency of having a allergy friendly coat and high trainability for service work the Labradoodle and Goldendoodle began its new career to working towards helping those in need. Additionally, the ultimate result also revealed a great family dog good with children and other pets in a household. The term HYBRID VIGOR meant that in many cases the crossing of two different breeds could result in getting the best genetic mixture for a healthy dog as well.

According to canine history, in reality there is no domestic dog today that is 100% purebred. I see a few eyebrows rising and some head tilts along with a “what!” look in the crowd. Now before anyone forms any prejudices let us step back a moment and think about how many breeds came to be in present day. Could it be the infusion of breeding several types of breeds to obtain one breed of dog? YES. But my job is not to argue this point nor be a professor giving a lecture, rather my job is to tell you that my Doodles were designed just for me , they act like Mutt and Jeff at times and really are one of the best kept secrets in town. After fostering dogs for over 30 years, Doodles really are a godsend especially for those with allergies such as me and my family. And might I add one of the best dogs ever to enter my life! Okay, let’s get down to real facts: what the big secret about Doodles?

1. You have to have one living in your house to totally realize the secret. So those of you without a Doodle in your life, I am not going to easily share this secret. Instead keep reading to see if this is one time a secret isn’t meant to be kept private yet to be shared with one and all.

2. I’d love to give you my definition of what a Doodle really is and not in a technical canine Webster dictionary style sense. Okay, Doodle is an abbreviated nickname for Labradoodles and Goldendoodles. Moving right along, the next thing to portray is that a Doodle is just that. A what? Yes a Doodle! When considering what we do when we doodle, such as scribbling a drawing on a piece of paper while thinking at work, at a seminar or talking on the phone, aren’t we using our creative side? Okay there is intelligence behind a doodle as well, as some type of thought goes into a designed doodle on a piece of paper. At that moment aren’t we trying to relax too? To this day I remember the Spyrograph where doodle drawings were made with enthusiasm by kids of all ages, sometimes adults got into the act. So normally when one thinks of the word “doodle” it conveys a happy, silly, maybe even goofy yet creative moment that later can evoke laughter or a an appreciation of a spontaneous creation and possibly just being yourself. Getting back to a “Doodle” in the canine sense.

3. A Doodle has a beautiful, sweet temperament, with many creative and comical antics along with great intelligence. These Doodle dogs do go through many stages as any other breed of dog, however with a bit of twist to it at times. What do I mean by this? Well, if you keep reading I will reveal to you what I and others that have these Doodle dogs really are a hybrid of laughter, love, and much more. Doodles originally designed aka bred to create a wonderful guide/service/and/or therapy dog back in 1988 that somehow got noticed as being also a great family pet and companion in life.

4. My Doodles do guide me to their food bowl when hungry, or to their water dish when empty. They provide me with excellent butler service: announcing the arrival of visitors at our door by loudly barking, lick up all crumbs under the dining room table better than any vacuum I’ve had to-date, will eagerly clean plates when asked, pick up any clothes especially socks lying on the floor. However I have yet to teach them how to push the buttons to activat
e the dishwasher, serve me afternoon tea, or ring a bell when dinner is ready. The therapy I obtain from my doodles is better than lying on a couch and talking to some therapist for $80 or more an hour. Rather, I talk to my doodles daily for FREE; they listen intently, and afterwards give lots of kisses. They also provide unconditional love 24/7 unless they are asleep, snoring louder than my dear fiancé, Dave.

5. Doodles have an unbelievable nimble agility to their movements when running, jumping, and even wrestling with each other. At times they can easily jump over our legs resting on a coffee table; sail through the air sideways at eye level yet when watching something of this nature their movements can be as graceful as a ballerina. Yet I have to admit while their paws barely touch the ground as if there were layer of air supporting them as they glide and prance about the house, there are times that surprise you with sounds of teeth clicking wars. Getting a picture of this in motion makes them almost look ferocious as a lion on a food hunt. But to this day, my doodles have yet to break or knock anything over other than pull out an electrical cord that manages to get in their way. Simply put, it’s almost like these doodles study the layout of your home, have a mental blueprint image in their head and can run faster than a speeding bullet missing all breakables, jumping over chairs with ease and elegance, but come to a swift, silent screeching halt if food is being prepared in the kitchen.

6. Training a doodle is done with positive reinforcement, a soft voice with gentle correction, much praise and very few treats. I tried treat training my doodles when little puppies at potty time outside. That ended on the first day when Max faked pooping and peeing just to get a treat. Back to basics to training Max with love, praise, hugs and acting like I had a winning Lotto ticket when he did “business” outside. Peanut, my other doodle, took a bit longer as she knows how to do something but would rather find just the right spot which can take numerous paces, sniffs, and about 15 minutes or more at times. Regardless, they train easily if given enough attention and love.

7. Doodles love having a task to do and learning ‘words’ or sentences. Maybe it’s a game to us but to them it is serious business to be devoured like a great mouth watering Thanksgiving dinner. They sometimes as puppies start out as the class clown in obedience training yet seem to rise to the head of the class after they’re done socializing and pushing your buttons. As they mature, Doodles have a way of sensing depression/sadness, illness, stress, injury and will lie faithfully by your side offering both their companionship and assistance when possible. How so? Maybe I should say SOME Doodles are like this but for me I have witnessed our Max assist my daughter when she had knee surgery and offer support by leaning into her good leg and waiting for her to rest her hand on Max’s back for support. I have also seen Max run and break my fall once when I was running a high fever and was very unsteady. I was falling face first into the coffee table but somehow Max managed to have me fall on top of him instead. Maybe to some these are silly examples, but for me and others that have Doodles we have all at one time or another seen and felt their instinctual caring helping and loving ways in times of need.

8. I may joke around much about Doodles comical antics yet there is intelligence behind their attention getting ways. Or as some say, “a method to their madness”. Peanut, a goldendoodle in reality, is now called our Golden Pocket Theiver. My son has more homework eaten and been corrected for leaving his homework out where a doodle can find it. But my son didn’t leave his homework out! His homework was safe and sound or so we thought till we discovered Peanut unzipping his book bag and politely teasing out papers that just happened to be a 3 day project he just completed. This past winter somehow the receipts I need for my taxes were ending up inside the roof of Peanut’s mouth as that is the first place we now check when she wears a Cheshire cat smile. What happened is Dave and I both one night watched in disbelief as Peanut would walk around our dining room table, sniffing each pocket on the coats that we place on our chairs. We were in shock as Peanut, the cute little princess that she is at 55 lbs and 22in tall, every so gently uses those tiny front little teeth to quickly unzip our pockets and in about 2 seconds flat either inhales or licks or teases out a receipt. If caught, she blinks those soulful eyes while picking up one of her toys and feigns complete innocence. In our house the “Black Hole” truly exists as this is where her thievery stash is kept: inside her mouth behind a toy she’s supposed to play with. If you ask me, that takes a certain amount of intelligence and dexterity.

9. I could probably list more than 50 reasons of why Doodles are a hybrid dog designed to be the best kept secret in town. For my family, friends, and myself or should I say anyone who lets any doodle into their homes and heart no longer will try to classify this type of dog and as time goes by is affected less by adamant remarks as to a Doodle is less than other kinds of breeds of dogs presently classified according to strict standards. Most doodle owners are strict about the standard of living their Doodle receives, realizing they are a “people” dog needing to be part of their family. And come to think of it, what dog doesn’t deserve that as well as need it: to be loved as part of the family. So while all opinions and articles will have differing views, my view is that I could not, nor would not turn back the hands of time before I had Doodles. Yes a Doodle, or any dog for that matter, will take up your time, test your ability to laugh when they’re sitting with a $20 bill have eaten in their mouth, perhaps may taste a sock or shoe, need vet visits, feeding schedules and more. Then again what you receive in return money cannot buy: unconditional love from a Doodle that teaches you how to live a fuller life, take time to stop and smell the roses, laugh more often and enjoy those you love. In my case, my Doodles are included as being a part of my family and shared with my closest of friends.

Read more: Designer Dog? Hybrid? Mutt? OR are Doodles the Best Kept Secret in Town?

Doodles LIVE HOW LONG?

 
Technically, many written articles state that Labradoodles and Goldendoodles live on the average about 12-15 years.

I say Labradoodles and Goldendoodles, as I have both types of doodles sitting at my feet this very moment, will ONLY live 15 years with a human family that will exercise a sense of humor on a daily basis! So if you are not feeling very humorous in life, I highly suggest getting a doodle. Believe me; you will discover a possible hidden or lost sense of humor while growing OLD together. For now those of you who think they are or have been called “born comedians”, think again! Doodles are the best stand up comedy act in town, outperforming you many times over and over and over again. Though you may be able to be quite the comedian when at a social event alone, without a doodle that is, retelling what antic your doodle did in the past. Otherwise, doodles take first place and you come in as a close second. If you have multiple doodles, then put it this way: you are last but think of laughter as the best medicine around and your doodles are keeping you very healthy. As they say, “He, who laughs last, has the best laugh”.

So how did someone determine the average age of Doodles? Did they refer to Labrador Retriever, Golden Retriever and Standard Poodle history for their age along with temperament of comedy and love? For now, humor me as we go and look at what they say about the canine genetic mixes in a Doodle.

First a Goldendoodle , in general, is started by breeding a Golden Retriever with a Standard Poodle. The Labradoodle uses a Labrador Retriever bred with a Standard Poodle.

Golden Retrievers are known as a companion dog that is very friendly, eager to please, happy disposition, responds well to training, peaceful towards other animals, seems to be everyone’s friend in the family and while energetic as puppies, they do tend to calm down a bit in adulthood by 2 years of age. However, there is the exception to the rule and some golden retrievers can take up to 3 years to mature.

The LIFE EXPECTANCY OF GOLDEN RETRIEVERS :12 to 15 years.

The Labrador Retriever is known for its easy going, friendly and faithful nature as well as being excellent hunting dogs. This type of dog also responds well to various types of training (guide, service, therapy, rescue, etc), love attention as well as giving it to their family.  

THE LIFE EXPECTANCY OF THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER: 12 to 15 years.

 Now let’s move on to the Standard Poodle. Originally created to be a water/hunting dog, with a no shedding coat, playful and comical personality, very high intelligence, quite agile, possible watch dog in maturity, and easily trains well.

 THE LIFE EXPECTANCY OF STANDARD POODLES: 12 Years.

 According to the general public and articles on the internet and in books now, the average life expectancy of Doodles is anywhere from 12 to 15 years. For hearsay, I am going to state my doodles will live 15 years to make sure I fully develop and experience a healthy sense of humor laughing for years to come.

 Max now a 22 month old jet black scruffy but cute looking Labradoodle was almost the perfect puppy with only a few comical incidents, however around the age of 15 mos old he decided to release the Lab side of himself. Prior to 15 mos old my family and I had seen mostly the Std. Poodle side of him. Max can easily jump 6 ft in the air and do a butt wiggle and 360 softly landing on his feet. This has caused non-doodle dog owners to have their eyes pop out of their heads and stare in disbelief for a few seconds before they pick their chin off the ground as ask, “Does he always do that?” Or I love the sideways flying through the air at eye level of a person I am talking to that Max thinks is boring and he should be noticed immediately. Once again, I act nonchalant and confirm the black blur at approximately 5ft 3 ins high indeed is my agile, nimble, comical, and mischievous doodle Max. At that moment Max still has a lifespan of 15years since laughter erupted and no harm was done.

When Max shredded a 5ft by 7 ft tall Mexican plant down to 2.5ft by 4ft , I quickly hid the shredded evidence in the bottom of the pot and inspected Max’s mouth for further evidence. Next came pushing this canine pruned Mexican plant that blooms only one night every year into the corner. Under stress or was it the feeling of dread when Dave would discover his prized plant was downsized by several years growth, he might possibly freak out? Meaning Max’s life expectancy was no longer 15years, the way my heart was pounding, my mind racing on how to fix this problem in about 3 minutes, well I figured Max was down to 11.3years left to live or less. I’ve always prided myself at the workplace being able to perform well under pressure and greet challenges with enthusiasm. Here was my chance to prove myself as quick thinking Annmarie, savior of Max’s 15 year life span.

 Hmm… quickly analyzing after scooping up all the shredded succulent leaves that were in tiny pieces, I scan the area. “Where can I hide it for now and later dispose of it into the garbage container outside?” Remember, Dave is due to walk by any minute. A light bulb idea goes off and I feel I can save Max’s life. The plant is big and gangly leaning every which way, so why not rearrange the leaves and stems to appear bigger? Yes I have a plan of action. Moving faster than a speeding bullet I collect all the shredded  pieces trying to bury them in the soil of the large pot the plant sits in while pushing Max’s nose out of the way. Next I push the plant a little over to the left, extend the leaves and stems more to the right, and run downstairs with Max to sit at the dining room table behind my computer with Max lying by my feet. My heart is racing still, I am stifling a giggle or two when I realize how foolish I am to try to cover up Max’s curiosity. I should just tell Dave what happened and leave it at that. But this is real life and this is more fun seeing how long it will take Dave to notice and laugh after I tell him what I did to save Max’s life expectancy.

Dave notices about a day later. Whew, am I ever glad men aren’t as observant as us women. End result? Dave laughs so hard when I relate all the details and agrees Max has immunity thus living out his full life with us. Great and I love Dave even more for being understanding and roll my eyes at Max who tries to feign sheer innocence.
Later we have a 2nd Doodle named Peanut who is a Houdini, a devil, a princess, so sweet, and if she could she’d bounce off the walks and walk on the ceiling along with traveling the world happily with anyone who she meets. Friendly and curious with a wee devil is Peanut’s personality.

When Peanut tasted Dave’s steak sub one night on the coffee table , well her life expectancy went down to almost 9.4years but when I pointed out to Dave why in his right mind he would leave the room to get salt while a puppy was sitting at mouth level to his plate, he agreed it was foolish on his part. Besides the look of happiness and a wagging tail with the cuteness of her smile, restored Peanut’s life expectancy back up to 15 years.

 Let’s add in a 3rd Doodle named Beau who is as calm, happy go lucky and as sweet as a puppy can possibly be. On his own accord, he has watched our other 2 doodle dogs lose some years off their life and how they obtain back a full 15 year life expectancy. Yes, Beau is smart and a good observer too. Beau has mastered the Hush Puppy sad eyed look down pat along with the bowing of his head, tuck the tail down and look like he is going to cry when he does something wrong. Beau’s life expectancy goes up and down like a yo-yo. He has stopped playing quality assurance tester of rugs, shoes, mail or whatever he can slink off with in the blink of an eye. Yet when caught chewing my gas bill he eagerly drops it and waits for me to pick it up. Bingo…full life expectancy is restored at that very moment. And so is when he barks to alert us to Peanut NOT sharing a magazine she claims Max gave to her to read.

 So when I hear the words, very rarely I might add, ” I am going to kill that dog!” I then figure out a way to present a good sense of humor into action. When Max breaks free once a week tricking Dave or my son he will be good on a potty walk off leash and then runs 200 mph around the yard and house becoming a black blur having the time of his life, I then go to the back door and yell, ” BYE MAX!”. Whenever I say these words Max runs back to the front door where I wait and open it. Max then proceeds to go into his crate and punishes himself. I then announce to my household how GOOD Max is as he knows when he does wrong and gives himself a timeout whereby my household ends up laughing and letting Max out of his crate 5 minutes later. Little does Max know he keeps a full 15 year life expectancy each and every time he crates himself when he does something not good in the human view of right and wrong. 

 OH, and if you find yourself wanting to kill that dog when your best pair of shoes are eaten, remember it is up to you to teach them right from wrong while allowing them to fully live their life expectancy as a dog. As a child does not raise themselves nor does a dog. Whether a child or a puppy, both will have their quirks, good points, get into mischief due to natural curiosity that has its moments of correction along with a sense of humor applied at all times or should I say whenever possible?

If my mother and father killed me every time they said that when I managed to error in some way without allowing redemption via love, laughter, patience and further guidance, I guess I wouldn’t be writing this article today.

 So, while you ponder how long will my doodle live, ” 10, 12, or 15 years?” I no longer ponder this question anymore. By letting Doodles enter our home, hearts and life, I now plan on our doodles living as long as possible growing older with us daily. Add to that the great stories that can be told at future gatherings, laughter that has been had and yet to come, along with knowing that no one or nothing is infallible except God.

My doodles are going to live forever. As my doodles will always have a place in my heart, memories and pictures to revisit in my mind at any given moment, and love to feel any time I think of them or just have them lying at my feet waiting for me to finish typing this article and play some fetch with them.

P.S. I am glad to say all 3 doodles in my house have been granted lifetime immunity since writing this article and will live a full life expectancy.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2008, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Doodles LIVE HOW LONG?

WHY EVEN HAVE A DOG?

What do dogs really do for us? I will agree I was a “NO DOG TILL HELL FREEZES OVER” person for the past 5 years. Come on, dogs stink when wet. Dogs stink when muddy. Dogs stink when they roll in deer poop. Dogs stink after they eat their food. Dogs stink when they fart. Dogs stink if you don’t bathe them periodically. All in all, dogs just plain stink. HOWEVER, most Labradoodles and Goldendoodles do not have doggy odor, thus they really don’t stink except when they have a ear/yeast infection or have rolled in deer poop like Max does if I am not careful when walking him on our 6 acre yard.

Next, dogs jump up on you. They sniff you in areas I won’t mention but most have experienced to-date. They get your clothes wet and/or muddy. Dogs bark at nothing! Dogs want to play when you dead tired, or want to watch a movie. Dogs need walks or they will drive you right up a wall with their undying energy levels. Dogs chew things like eyeglasses, shoes, boots, chair legs, towels or anything you do not want them to chew. Dogs take over your life. They have to be fed certain times, let outside to relieve themselves, they need training, love, hugs, kisses, praise over and over again. Dogs just plain have as many needs as humans, maybe even more? Dogs do not let injuries, stitches, or wounds left alone to heal. Instead they lick, chew, bite them and can cause an infection or further medical attention. Dogs can bite sometimes by mistake while playing by your feet, other times when fearful. Dogs can talk back! Dogs can pee and poop on your rug numerous times no matter how much eliminator products you use. Dogs can cost more money than you can afford when bringing them to the vets. Or more than your kids did at the pediatrician. Good news, you can purchase dog insurance to help recover some medical costs.

Let’s see if I left anything out about how much trouble owning a dog can be for us humans. Dogs can develop weird habits, not come when called, roam neighborhoods, eat things like chicken wings from your kitchen garbage, open screen and storm doors to run free, round off corners on coffee tables, defuzz any stuffed toy in minutes, eat non-edible items at a moments notice, test your patience almost 24/7, make your kids look like saints at times, and in general give you tension headaches for years if you let them or don’t exercise a sense of humor.

So why have a dog at all? Good question! As this is what I used to think, feel and believe in until October 7, 2006. Now I would not go back to life BEFORE Max, Peanut, and Beau. Not for all the tea in china, not for a million dollars! I can honesty say all three of my dogs are work.

It’s plain and simple: everyone’s lives in my house have been upturned and changed indefinitely for sure. But what we have learned, witnessed, felt in our hearts at times, and experienced to date words alone do not describe the full benefits. There are days when a picture whether it is mental, digital and/or photographic in any way, is worth at least a 1000 words. Yet there are times neither a word nor a picture can really portray what one gets in life from a dog, it is something one has to just experience at one point or another in life.

How does one draw the laughter, head tilts, soulful loving eyes just looking deeply into yours? How does one say what the sound of a dog crying in pain looks or feels like? Or when you are sad maybe even crying only to have a dog come and truly comfort you, can anyone put in print the true emotion felt at that moment? Or what is felt when your favorite slippers are shredded with tons of fuzz all over the floor and your dog happily wags it tail, looking proudly at you and drops it at your feet on command. Can anyone describe the mixed emotion of wanting to kill that damn dog one second and then laughing while hugging the same dog the next? Or how about the funny stories down the road you can tell at family gatherings and parties making others have the best laugh they have had in months!

Now let’s turn this around. Having dogs is analogous in certain ways to having children. You learn to laugh, develop patience, better creativity, organizational and analytical skills along with sharpened common sense and problem solving abilities. I haven’t mentioned the word LOVE until now. Can anyone really describe love to its truest meaning, its deepest level, or if writing it for a dictionary exactly how it makes you feel? Can someone really just sum it up carefully and universally into one or two sentences, or is it something we really need to have in our lives daily to totally understand it and like an addict crave it?

Love is not just smiling, feeling happy, being dreamy eyed and idealistic, and the positive list continues onward. Love also consists of tears, fears, worries, frustration, anger, wanting to give up and/or walk away, feeling stressed out and that no one cares, or understands, or helps out or whatever. What really matters is putting the good with the bad, the pretty with the ugly…it is the combinations that are more complex than solving a Rubik’ Cube or channeling quantum physics.

Now what kind of love does a dog possess? A dog teaches something humans have yet to be able to genuinely 100 % do in their own life and that is to love UNCONDTIONALLY. Dogs rarely hold grudges; do not bring up the past in your face.Okay the boot your dog chews daily that is the exception to the rule. Dogs kiss you each and every time no matter how mad you were at them earlier in the day. Dogs greet you eagerly each and every time you enter your home whether you were gone 5 hours or 5 minutes. Dogs just want love and to give love period.

I love how when I have heard of other people’s dogs acting similar to Max when around small children, the elderly, or even someone in pain physically and/or mentally. They calm right down, sit patiently, quietly and almost with a silent inquisitiveness without questions. They act so much differently than usual. These dogs seem to sense the pain, innocence, mental anguish, or that these people are different from others in their home. Dogs are better at sensing differences as well as reading body language than us humans. If we were to watch dogs more often we could even possibly learn more than we try to teach them. Children when small are the same way: through their love and innocence at times they really teach us more than we teach them. “Children learn what they live” is a well known poem however could it possibly overflow into dogs? For me, my answer is yes.

To-date having dogs in my life again has enabled me to think more about my children and how much I should be showing them how deep my love runs for them too. Two of my teenagers still hug and kiss me telling me they love me. The other teenager will again when he is done conquering the world, thinking I am stupid, mean, strict, embarrassing, and out of touch with how things are today. Hopefully, when this one particular teenager becomes an adult he will have the best of what life has to offer: love shared with a companion, also children and pets. Both make you laugh later on and especially when it happens to someone else. For others being able to say “been there, done that” can enable one to reflect a memory, a laugh and move on in life perhaps in a more positive way when you realize this commonality.

Are dogs worth the love, money, time and work involved in the average 10 to 15 year commitment? Sure, but then again what in life isn’t work? If everything were to come easy without some hard work and frustrations at times, would you appreciate and love it as much?

Will you ever have to be up all night with a dog? — Probably. Will you freeze your buns off in winter or wear holes in the soles of your shoes walking them, some will, some won’t. Depends if you have fenced areas in your yard or not.

Will you melt when they kiss you for no reason other than to just want to? Most of us do. Will any of you have at least one stinky ride in a car competing with your dog for fresh air? Most of us have. Or how about talking mushy baby talk when you think no one is within listening distance? I have seen grown men perform this act many a time, as I have seen grown women and children to be included of cuteness acts around a dog.

Will you end up with poop stuck on your dog’s rear end needing assistance of removal? I hope far and few between for anyone’s sake. This is not a cute or joyous feat.

Will you end up having to replace something in your home due to destruction, accident and/or boredom? That is a given. Yet the same dog can also alert and/or save you in times of danger.

Have you ever buried your face in your dog and given the almighty bear hug while whispering the “I love you so much” in your dog’s ear? I know I have numerous times.

Will your yard or houseplants be dug up periodically? Mine have and will again if I turn my back too long. And will you realize like your children and yourself, no one and nothing is perfect in life? If life were to be easy and perfect there would be nothing to look forward to. So will you one day come to realize the same dog that needs care and love can also do the same for us? Or will you pass up the opportunity in life of learning what unconditional love really means?

My home I thought was filled with so much love with my kids and fiancé. My cup was half full and now with 3 doodle dogs my cup is overflowing with love. I have asked so many questions but not for answers, but more for reflection.

And I leave you all with this: Dogs: man’s best friend? Or are they really everyone’s best friend if you allow them to be ? You decide.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” quote by Anatole France

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2008, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: WHY EVEN HAVE A DOG?

Obedience Training: me or the dog? Part 1

While writing this article, the realization hit me that perhaps Max isn’t as well trained as I thought earlier. He does know sit but at 9 months old sometimes you have to help push his rear end at times. Stay, well only if its dinner being served does he complete this command well. Come, lately when he feels like it is more the case. Counter surfing just became his new game of solitaire when left alone for more than 2 minutes. Heel only works great only IF you have a treat in your hand. Pulling on a leash was not a problem till 2 days ago. He happened to see his 1st chipmunk and proceeded to ignore all commands to stop while dragging me along my gravel driveway and almost pulling my arm out of its socket. Oh there is more but I do need to save some face you know. Then Peanut our cute little , 4mo old, she listens better than him!

I then looked deep into my heart and pocket as I know the cost is $100 or more. Next I went on the internet to find a particular place near my home that years ago produced amazing results with a large, aggressive, beautiful, totally untrained Dalmatian I had for a short time. I read all the information and the following day called to see their availability for classes starting in a week. Wow, I was excited as there was one spot left. We went over the usual things discussed on the phone: age, shots, breed, etc. I did try to warn them that though Max is good yet has been known to become a wild mad dog with swirling eyes and an adrenaline rush to be envied by firefighters. Hyper is not the right word to describe Max out in public. For some reason the vision of a cartoon with a person trying to hold a rocket back that 10 sticks of dynamite lit is really what comes to mind. I am told to arrive early at next weeks class so Max can observe all the dogs and settle down. Yeah right! I keep laughing every time I go over this in my head. Let’s say I warned them. This place is good and I haven’t ever heard of them kicking anyone and their dog out of a class. I hope we won’t be the first. Max’s friendly exuberance takes about 20 minutes or so to level out. This is why I am told socialization is so important for a dog and I should take him to places to learn how to settle down and be well mannered. Come on, besides the PetSmart and Petco, where does one take a dog? There are no parks around and besides I have 6 acres of land complete with a huge creek. OH wait, I have an idea. The local pizzeria loves Peanut, asking us to bring her in weekly. They are dog lovers to the hilt! Just last week, the owner said their brother’s favorite dog was Benji when he was a small kid. Guess what? Our Max looks like a black Benji and they did ask me to bring him in. Great, I now can start a crash course on socialization tonight. Dave wants subs and neither of us feeling like cooking. So off we go the 1 mile to the local pizzeria. Hey, it’s a start and Dave is coming in case Max the 60 lb puppy decides to get a tad over rambunctious.

Max was actually good! He sat still, didn’t jump on anyone, no barking, no drooling or panting, no begging either. Actually he patiently savored the aromas of freshly baked pizza and other Italian meals. His nose was twitching 100 mph while flaring his nostrils wider to get the full aromatic effect. Could there possibly be hope Max can settle down in obedience training within 4 days? Only time will tell. I will say only the local locksmith took an interest in Max. He used to raise labs and said he could see lab in Max but not for the life of him figure out the other part. For once we didn’t get the strange looks or laughter when we said “Max is part Labrador Retriever and part Standard Poodle”. In fact, Dave and I had such a nice conversation with the locksmith while waiting for our food order to be ready for take out.

Three days later I have a surprise 50th birthday party planned for Dave at our house with his family and a few friends coming over. This will be the first time Max and Peanut will be surrounded by a total of 14 adults and 4 teenagers. I dread thinking of what could occur and know they may need to be crated for half or the whole time. For the first time in history everyone arrives within 5 minutes! We open our door at 7:35pm as 2 couples arrive. Then at 7:40pm all of Dave’s family are trying to form a single, some were in double formation, line through our door. Max alert! He is 24 inches tall, approximately 60 lbs of sheer 9 month old teenage puppyhood that loves people. Dave, “Where’s Max and Peanut?” I almost scream in terror. Max surprises us with only 3 half jumps and calms down within 10 minutes. Peanut though is like a wind up toy stuck or had too many quarters inserted at once. There is no way she is going to calm down at any time through the night. I grab her leash and hold on dearly. Within a 15 minute period I realize this is not going to work, besides Dave just left to get the sheet pizza. A party complete with 2 cakes with tons of chocolate frosting, pizza and 18 people is not a good combination with 2 puppies, so I crate them both. Later in the evening Max and Peanut are released for short time periods. Max however really does surprise us by being rather calm. Peanut is jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean. Eventually this leads to someone spilling their beverage and so off the crate for the final time. I will let them out when all company departs later in the night. The next day I realize Max had two tempting socializations events which are not enough to prep him for tomorrow night’s training class. Max tomorrow for the first time will see 9 other dogs and I worry if we will be refunded our money by the end of the class. My half full cup seems to be spilling over a tiny bit. The once courageous, try till you succeed attitude I possess 98% percent of the time has allowed the other 2% of doubt to take completely over at this point. Outwardly, I appear cool calm and collect. Inwardly I think I need a valium to calm my nerves and stop the mental images that keep popping into my head. I pray I sleep well tonight as I start work at 7am and also remember how much these training classes wore me out years ago. I also worry my arm is going to be quite sore the rest of the week from holding Max the Mac Attack puppy back.

Day 1 of Max’s training class! Do I just cut to the chase and say I was amazed we were not kicked out of class? Or do I give the bare bones details and facts? I think I’ll amuse you all with the details.

I was so nervous I managed to misplace my house and car keys calling Dave frantically to help me calm down and retrace my steps in order to find them. This made us late for class as I then proceeded to get lost on the way but Dave was on the road coming to meet me and managed to flag me down on the road. We now arrive to class five minutes late (not good). I do believe Max got an instant perm the moment we walked in and he saw 12 other dogs! His eyes popped out, his stumpy tail moved like an airplane propeller, he was drooling, and for some reason he pulled more like a 150lb Bull Mastiff instead of his usual 60lbs. The trainers there told me not to worry. Easy for them to say since they weren’t holding turbocharged Max! Dave quietly sat down to watch and possibly have a good laugh at my expense.

We fitted Max with a tight fitting collar which did not go over too well with Max. My cute well trained obedient dog had become a massive bucking bronco with me in the saddle so to speak. The rodeo show was about to begin and my stomach was feeling a bit queasy. Mentally I was getting my poker face ready with a fake, plastered smile and prepping my sense of humor to activate as I got the feeling things were going to be very interesting tonight. Every so often when Max was not pulling arm out of my socket, I would glance over at Dave who just sat there quietly and smiled. Thanks Dave. Luckily this class had one main trainer and three assistants.

Max’s body quivered more than a rumbling earthquake paying no attention to me or any trainers. All Max wanted to do was to play and whined like a baby. He did not bark though and for that I was appreciative as it would only call further attention to us. Crawling under a rock or hiding my head in the sand was not an option either. Remember my 3.85 average and graduating with top honors? Oh, I was immediately at the bottom of a class that I knew studying was going to be hard since Max was the subject. Dave at one point helps out and whispers, “Honey don’t worry if Max fails, you can repeat the class next time with him for FREE” Men don’t get it, do they? I needed encouragement even if it was a white lie. He could have said, “Honey don’t worry this is Max’s first day he will eventually calm down and catch on”. Then again, Dave knows Max almost as well as I do and Dave’s honesty was something I admired till that night. I wanted lies not honesty, I wanted to go home and not be the center of attention for disrupting the class. I wanted OUT and so did Max.

Something inside of me though knew I also love challenges and this was going to one the greatest ones of all time! Right then and there I decided to take charge as I was the leader and Max the follower. Or more like I was the adult and he was the child!

At our home, Max knows how to sit, stay, come, drop it, settle, lie down, and waits for food till the word “okay” is stated. He also does NOT pull on a leash either, and always lets me go first. Max sprung a mental leak and my world flooded with the realization that I was possibly in the wrong class. Max needed a doggy psychiatrist or better yet, some drugs! I keep looking to Dave, the spectator, for reassurance and see others sitting by him either laughing or rolling their eyes. Wait a minute, I just paid $115 for a beginner’s dog training class and that is exactly what Max and I are: beginners! Let them laugh as later we’ll have the last laugh when Max graduates. I keep telling myself this over and over again: forget the looks, forget about everyone else and just concentrate on Max. So forward I go with 150% determination and keep my humorous nature in check and balance or I was going to end up crying.

Now Wildman Max is beginning to settle just a tiny bit after 20 minutes of hyper dog excitement. We only had 40 more minutes to get through before I could go home and not die of laughter and/or embarrassment. Max now decided to take matters into his own hands and act up even more. While straining to hear the trainer instruct us what to do next I see a black blur go past my eyes. I am 5ft 7in tall. It took about 1 second for my brain to register that was my Max sailing past me at eyelevel. Still, I stand there nonchalantly acting like nothing out of the ordinary has just occurred. Quickly I bend down to have Max stand and sit by my side as all the other dogs are doing .Max is one determined smart thinking dog, he is about to fully let his presence be known to everyone human and canine. Max now is standing in front of me and does his straight up in the air jump approximately 5 feet high and lands neatly on his feet. Again, I ignore my dog as if you don’t pay attention to negative behavior it stops. Was I ever in for it! Max next does his 180 degree jumps with a wiggle and twist and ends with a neat perfect 360 landing the same exact spot and stance he started from and this happens about once a minute for five minutes. By now, I could not hold back the laughter as I don’t know what was funnier: Max trying to get my attention or seeing the looks on everyone’s faces and their eyeballs popped out of their heads. All the trainer does is say, “Max over there has a lot of poodle in him. Annmarie try to get Max to stand next to you.” Is she serious? I can barely keep a straight face as 50 minutes have passed by with Max making us the class clowns.

There were not many people in this class that like Labradoodles saying they heard these dogs are hyper, wild, too playful, do not listen and on and on. Max had just confirmed their views in under an hour. Thanks Max. The best has yet to come though, as I kept trying to tell one particular trainer Max cannot have hotdogs as treats since he has a sensitive digestive system. Too late now, and all the people that sat behind us laughing got blasted later on by Max’s room clearing SBD’s in full blast. Max let not one, not two, but at least 5 room clearing toots go in rapid succession so there was no let up in fresh air at all. At this point, I buried my face in Max laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.

At the end of class we were to do HEELING and to STAND which Max performed beautifully. As Dave said later in the night when home, “If someone put a hand by my penis I’d stand to attention too.” As for me, any dog that won’t follow you around without a leash with 10 pieces of chicken in your hand must be stupid. Class finally ended and we were all given folders with training homework sheets. I was informed that Max and I had more homework than the others in class. I tried to not giggle and just agreed waiting to get home and bust at the seams with laughter. Once home I had to say to Dave that my worst fears were confirmed at class. All Dave commented back was to hope that was the worst. Us women also don’t know when to stop at times and I had to ask Dave, “Come on, you were watching, was it really that bad?” Dave for once stayed silent with his head tilted down looking at me with blinking eyes. For once, I did not ask him to elaborate as silence really is golden. Once again, Dave’s honesty shined brighter than a rainbow and was not appreciated fully but caused us to laugh for the next few days.

I worked 6 days the following week with Max. We did 2 to 3 short sessions a day getting good results finally and used Peanut once a day for distraction to test Max’s ability to keep his attention on me. Class 2 arrives and that day we get severe icy snowy slush. The class is cancelled. When they called to tell me this I could not believe I got upset, saying” I worked so hard with Max and cannot do the make up class later in the week. Do you think that by tonight class may be back on?” Okay, so I was a bit selfish and disappointed as that day there were numerous accidents with towing companies operating non-stop. I ended up apologizing and stating I will see them in class 3.

Class 3 arrives and now Max has had 2 weeks doing training homework with me. We are ready. I arrive to class 25 minutes early this time and make him sit. I mean just sit. His body is shaking, his mouth wide open drooling, and he wants to play. “Max, not this time. You are going to listen and learn tonight. We worked hard for this and you are going to show everyone here how good you really are”, I softly but firmly whisper this in his ear. Class starts and Max is ready to perform. Max doesn’t jump, pull or do anything but sit by my side. Instead, other people’s dogs are now trying to jump and distract Max! They have to say sorry to me numerous times. I am in total shock but keep a poker face and say it’s okay practicing my humble act. Just two weeks ago it was my dog doing the same thing.

The trainer later decides to use Max for a new exercise. Wow, my Max is finally picked. Then she states that she was told Max trains better without treats and decides to call my bluff. My heart is racing, my mind is going “oh no, please do not make a liar of me Max” and whew, Max performs according to plan without treats. I almost collapse from relief. This time Dave is sitting there with eyes as big as dinner plates watching Max do 95% of training without antics. In fact, at one point the trainer tells the class not to let Max fool them as he has a lot going on inside his brain. Inwardly, I beam but outwardly graciously smile keeping my mouth shut. The trainers and assistants do comment on how well Max was and that they wish more people would work their dogs like I did. They also asked if I was doing the half hour down stays with Max to which I proudly said almost nightly. As Max is the biggest and oldest puppy there, I begin to believe you can teach an old dog new tricks or in our case, an older puppy. Before I forget, the same people that weren’t too sure about Labradoodles actually talk to us and show interest along with enthusiasm this week. I am so happy and so is Dave since the previous class when anyone asked him which puppy was his, Dave would tell them the black one. People would be polite and just say, “Oh” and be quiet. This week Dave was getting compliments not only on Max’s good behavior but also how nice his coat was, how white his teeth are and so on. Funny how a dog that behaves a bit better can sway previous prejudices. I’ll take what I can get at this point and so will Dave. font>

Peanut is also getting trained as well but at home by me. She is taking it slowly but she is still a baby in many ways only being almost 5 months old. Many trainers and dog owners would beg to differ but as the saying goes, “To each his own”. Personally, I treat my 2 dogs as I would small children bearing in mind: all in due time. When my teenagers were toddlers I was lenient in ways. They had their whole lives ahead of them to do schedules, obedience, and more. Thus, I let my kids be just that [kids] while keeping within the normal rules of being good. So with my dogs I let them play roughly at times, train them daily for short periods of time, praise them a lot for doing good and learn to laugh at mistakes. Mistakes are meant to happen, isn’t that how both humans and canines learn? Accidents also happen as they too teach us to be more careful and think like a good parent and teacher. So training will continue on more than just our classes. Training means daily attention, love, guidance and much more. It also included letting a puppy be just that: a puppy. Just do not leave them alone for more than a minute or like a child, they will find something creative to do that isn’t always within the rules of being good. And time will tell if Max continues through the next 5 classes and graduates without repeating the present class. I do not need my dog to jump through a hoop on fire or impress others. Rather than keep up with the ‘Joneses’ my main goal is to give Max more formal obedience training, something to do and work towards having fun just being with me while training. The futuristic goal is to have Max be a therapy dog when mature and complete the full training. That way, both Max and I can help others experience the love these doodles have to offer. Peanut hopefully is included in this goal as well. Temperament first, training and maturity second with time telling us lastly. And if neither dog becomes a therapy dog, well that is fine by me. I can at least say we spent much time learning, laughing and growing older together happily.

To be continued as we have a 3rd doodle, Beau, now in class at the great age of 6 months old and Max 18 months old is doing a refresher class in the same week. Peanut now 13 months old will start her class in 4 weeks. I am being trained too: to laugh when you want to cry, to smile when your dog lies down instead of sitting, and to keep my cup half full when one of my dogs drinks the other half. Lastly, whether or not we graduate is not the real importance for me. Rather the praise, love, time and guidance I give dogs is the main importance.

Dogs, if you let them, can teach you to relax with life and worry less with their unconditional love. Train them and they teach more than just what a book says on paper. Let them raise themselves and may you have a home made of concrete.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2008, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Obedience Training: me or the dog? Part 1

REALITY SHOWS

Who needs to watch TV reality shows when you have teenagers and puppies? I am a survivor so far, I sing to my dogs and they are okay with it, we have real life death defying acts of craziness daily with no broken bones, furniture or hearts, I am not getting a million dollars for choosing Max as my canine companion, sometimes my dogs do jackass things just like my teenagers, I am not letting anyone other than my dog redecorate my home nor will I swap Dave for any other man for a week, I have my hands full as it is. Who needs a complete stranger to come here and tell me how to run things? Life is grand here and as they say, “If it isn’t broke don’t fix it”. I have come to learn “better late than never” does have its place with raising teenagers and puppies while adjusting to having a caring, kind fiancé of the male species which can think opposite of the female species. There are moments I think he may have come from Mars but I am not Venus, nor from Venus. So I say we get along just fine with a sense of humor applied at all times.

Why would I want to watch other people struggle on TV when I can just look at my own life every day? Good things in life though are worth struggling to have. Hence, no pain, no gain comes into play too. There are days I question my own motives and think I really am hedonistic deep down. Laugh Annmarie, laugh! My teenagers who box inside their bedrooms with boxing gloves on, knock a lamp over that has a glass shade. When I enter their room, they hide their gloved hands behind their backs with Cheshire cat smiles which are a dead giveaway to a mom! I look for the item that made a breaking sound and see a lamp that is devoid of a chunk of glass. My teenagers say almost in unison, “See mom it isn’t broken, it still works. Let me show you”, and they’re right. They turn on the lamp and it shines brightly. I have to laugh as even though they really did break something their male logic is correct. Or I love when I hear the dreaded, “Mom help, Max has something and he won’t give it back”. I no longer wonder what it is that Max is holding hostage in his mouth, rather I prefer to challenge my state of mind and sense of humor. In a way, one can consider this to be a method of check and balance. Besides isn’t life’s experiences are supposed to round out one’s character? If true then I must be a plump circle by now. Instead of asking Dave do my jeans make my rear end look fat, maybe I should be asking him how rounded out I appear?

After analyzing my present daily life I now know I am living my own reality show. I am not being paid nor going public with it either. Why should I or is it I am scared of developing other people’s sense of humor at my own cost? Or is the real reason I would be committed by Dave and my teenagers and family? I think I’ll keep my reasons to myself for now and let you all have your own opinions. It is more fun that way. And while you’re at it, can anyone define what a normal life really means or really does exist? For me, I like the little things that happen and element of surprise my daily life provides as I never get bored. In fact what does bored mean as the last time I must have used that word was when I was about 17 years old? Genetic traits carry over as to this day I can hear my teenagers use that very same word but when I tell them I can help them out they seem to disappear like the invisible man.

Reality kicks in when you pay a mortgage, mow the lawn, work 40 hours, live with teenagers and 3 dogs, do wash, dishes, play the part of maid, chauffeur, cook, tailor, receptionist for ringing phones, landscaper, dog walker and trainer. I am sure I left out a few more jobs. However, when you add it all up reality shows you how to laugh and love life even if your dogs (and kids) give a good reason to say “poop happens”. Saturday night live exists here weekly. Though I may not always have a crowd applauding I have earned the right to call my house Nutcracker Suite. And so have my good friends that are allowed to drop in whenever they see my truck in the driveway. My Dad sent us a sign we proudly hung in our house that says, “another day in PARADISE”. Dad not only knows reality but has lived it and can now get a good laugh that is well deserved. Oh, he also gave us another sign, which is hung in my dining room; I now call Mom’s 11th commandment. It says, “Thou Shalt Not Whine”. My Dad’s humor has taught me reality and wisdom which is now proudly displayed on my walls along with fingerprints and paw prints.

Reality: real life, real people, real dogs, real laughs! Reality TV shows: something I don’t have time for as reality shows itself here 24/7 and it isn’t on TV.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2008, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: REALITY SHOWS

TWAS a Few Nights Before Christmas

Christmas day is soon to arrive and my 3 doodle dogs have a heartfelt message to convey to one and all.We 3 doodles are not from the Orient. However we do bring gifts for all to bear. We are not aware of the true meaning of Christmas that humans have knowledge of and practice yearly. So instead we would like to tell you what Christmas means to our 3 doodle dogs.

4 Nights before Christmas is when MOM starts to make holiday goodies:

Max, our 17 month old Labradoodle weighing in at 85 lbs.

“Oh boy! Oh yeah!! Hey Peanut you smell that? Where’s mom? Peanut stop chewing that bone and help me out please. Beau please go and find Dad.”

Beau, our 5 month old Goldendoodle weighing in at 42 lbs.

“Why should I go find Daddy, let Peanut do it. Remember I have the soft ears and sad Hush Puppy Eyes which makes my MOM melt and no longer works for you Max, ha ha!

Peanut, our 12 month old Goldendoodle now down to a svelte 55lbs.

“Uh, guys remember I am the boss even though I am sweet as pie and everyone says I am the cutest dog anyone has ever seen. Remember people say my coat is ‘to die for!” So guys, forget about trying to distract me as I may be blonde but I do have brains! How else do I always steal your toys and bones away from you? Heh, heh, heh.”

MOM , which is me, the mother of 3 dogs that lately feels like I have a 3, 6, and 13 year old instead of 3 doodle dogs.“Max, Peanut, Beau…OUT, OUT, OUT! Okay if you sit and watch by the doorway and be good you can stay in the kitchen with me”, is what I say to them. I now remind myself not to turn my back for a second, take inventory on all cooking ingredients out like butter, molasses, and cookie dough making sure I push it far back as possible on the counter top. “Dave can you put on some Christmas music please as remember I have all 3 doodles with me now and they aren’t bugging you to go out or anything. Thanks Dave”. When a guy is lying on a couch with a remote in hand and has a full belly they need reminding at times with women’s logic as to why they need to get up OFF the couch and pacify a woman’s small sincere request to shut off their TV program which they end up sleeping and snoring through. When you try to switch the program or put on music, a man always awaken saying, “hey I was watching that”.

Yeah right, what through mental imagery in between checking your eyelids for holes and clearing your sinus passages via snoring? Men’s logic does not work on most women such as myself. Dave is a smart man as he put some music on and he can now go read a book while I have 3 pairs of eyes and 3 wagging tails behaving like 3 perfect angels in the kitchen with me.

NOW back to my dog’s meaning of Christmas or at least 4 nights before Christmas.I am taking out milk, eggs, spatulas, wooden spoons, 2 books with stained pages that fall out every time you open the book, granulated sugar, brown sugar, confectionary sugar, ginger, cream of tartar, molasses, tons of flour, pans, too much butter, walnuts, rolling pin, raspberry preserves, chocolate, raisins, and now I wish I just had a tall floor to ceiling Lazy Susan as my back is being bent every which way looking for measuring spoons, pans, cookie trays and the attachments to my Kitchen Aid Mixer. Ok now that my kitchen looks like a few of the grocery isles in a food store I am almost ready to begin. Pre-heat the oven and make sure the parchment paper is under a watchful eye every second and remember I have 3 adorable angelic dogs underfoot that could become devilish thieves at any given moment if I even blink long enough. I make a mental note to make sure the raisins and chocolate are high up as they are dangerous ingredients to a dog’s intestinal tract. And also try to announce this to my household.Ok, music is on, ingredients are ready, oven is warm, and everything is laid out in a somewhat fashionable order. Oh wait, I need the step stool to use both for sitting and to fend off 3 doodle dogs when taking out bon bons, fudge, molasses cookies, walnut fudge and more. Now I can finally start on my holiday baking. Not bad, it only took me 75 minutes to get organized without any mishaps so far and amazingly I have not tripped over a dog yet or stepped on any of their tails. And so far my house and cell phone are quiet with no one calling—yet.Max, Peanut and Beau are licking their chops, wagging their tails, one has a bit of drool hanging but they are all quieter than a mouse. They sit in anticipation. I really will believe they are being extremely good and will turn my back as all 3 can reach counter tops and give me “just checking it out Mom” look when caught. I just realized the lid on the garbage is open and close it immediately. Homemade fudge is done and in freezer with no mishaps. Now comes the fun part making bons bons in the world’s tiniest kitchen which is referred in earlier years as a “cook’s kitchen”. (Note: Dave always calls it a “ship’s galley” kitchen)

Max: “Mom can I take a closer look at what you’re putting on that tray? I promise I’ll be good. I will look but not touch or eat more than one”.

Peanut: “Mom, do NOT believe Max, he is the sneakiest one of us all and he doesn’t always drop it anymore to share with me.”

Beau: “Mom, do NOT believe them for one minute as I heard you telling Dad they cannot be trusted for one second alone in the kitchen. Now me, I am the innocent puppy who isn’t fully trained that you give clemency to if there is a sniff, snag, and gulp-it-quick mishap.”

I hear my dogs whispering quietly amongst themselves and do understand their body language but not their spoken language. I wonder what they’re talking about.

The bons bons are ready and ohhhhh do they smell good. I myself would love to try one but they need to cool off and be dipped in chocolate and walnuts. Also, I don’t feel like burning my tongue doing the “oh, oh, ha, ha, ahhhhh” and racing for some cold water where afterwards you can’t taste much for a day or two. No, I’ll wait for them to cool off.

Max says to Peanut and Beau: “Wait why are we being told to get OUT again? Isn’t this considered food and for eating? That’s okay if they’re hot we’ll sit and wait for them to cool off. Besides, aren’t you supposed to taste one to make sure the came out ok? So why is she not lettings us help her out? Doesn’t she love us? Ok, time for plan 1 to take effect :Give the soft sweet head tilt with the saddest eyes you can muster up and sit really straight and don’t whine yet.”

I take out the bons bons and put them high up, turn around and trip over Peanut as she sat too closely behind my feet. I quickly get my balance without dropping the cookie sheet.

Max: “Oh great Peanut, good move! Now we’re being made to go back to edge of the doorway of the kitchen again. Why do you always do that?!”

Peanut: “Do not worry Max, if we lie down quietly we’ll be back allowed in the kitchen in a few minutes and I didn’t do it on purpose you know. Beau I want you to walk up beside Mom in about 3 minutes when the mixer is on again and sit real good giving her a few kisses with the cute sad puppy look”.

Beau: “Just tell me when okay? As this is one my best qualities that works on Mom most of the time.”

Max: “Beau, remember NO whining and NO jumping or you’ll ruin it for us all. I know you can do it buddy, I have faith in you. I’ll tell you when so just wait for now.”

I now bring out the step stool to sit on while all 3 doodles lying quietly snuggled together and this makes me smile. They all are being so good and it is so nice to see them bonding together. “Dave do you see this? Max, Peanut and Beau are so cute, come see this and do you mind bringing me my step stool so I can sit while making cookies as my back is beginning to hurt. Thanks honey!” I do remind him he has had almost 2 hours without doodles left alone in peace and quiet. He brings me the step stool e
agerly.

The way I make homemade fudge is almost too easy. Put all ingredients in a glass bowl and put in the microwave for a few minutes then take out and stir thoroughly and pour into a pan. Lastly put it in the freezer for 45 minutes to set. Now to-date I love molasses cookies but never made them. And considering the other night I ate almost all my neighbor’s while having a visit with them, the least I can do is make some and replace them.

No one tells you though that after mixing and making the dough for these cookies that you have dough to bake for an army. Or in reality, it makes about 5 dozen medium sized cookies. Good thing is that they bake in 12 minutes, cool quickly and your house smells great! While making these types of cookies is fairly easy keeping 3 doodles dogs in check and balance isn’t as I found out this fact firsthand.

Max: “Hey guys, what is she rolling in her hands then in that white stuff ? I need to get a closer look. Beau, come on buddy; move over a bit will you? And Peanut did you really lose 10 lbs? Cause your butt really is still in the way. Remember Peanut, Mom does not give you any treats due to your diet. Beau your tummy is too immature to handle any of this stuff. It will make you really sick, so please stand back ok? Thanks.”

Beau: “ I was here first Max, first come first serve and eat your heart out cause MOM is giggling how cute I am with my head resting on her lap and being the perfect puppy right now.”

Peanut: “Max that was not a nice thing to say to me. See if I share my bone with you again. Beau, you know you always lose it and start jumping up on Mom as you get too excited and then get in trouble. So guys, I’ll just be patient as you both lose it around food and I know how to remain cool, calm and collect. Max, for your information the other night Mom gave me a piece of cheese when you both weren’t looking.”

I now proceed to roll these brown molasses balls in sugar and place them on a baking sheet. They’re in the over and time to do the next few dozen and once again my doodle dogs talking with each other.

Max: “This is too much for me guys; the smells are driving me crazy. How can you stand it? I have to figure out a way to just smell, maybe LICK one and exert control over my desire to STEAL and EAT ONE NOW!”

Peanut: “Max, calm down buddy, Mom will sooner or later mess up and turn her back trusting us as she just told Dave how good we’re being. And look at her, she is getting tired now as it’s almost 9:30pm. Don’t worry; mom will have a blonde moment soon. So if you go for it NOW you’ll ruin it for us.”

Beau: “Wow I have so much to learn from you guys to become the master of deception and thievery in this house. Ok if I sneak up on mom’s lap and act puppyish and loving do you think she’ll get distracted? You do know that she is softer on me than you both.”

Peanut: Beau your ego is too big for your head, Mom is stricter with you because she trusts Max and me since we’re both mature now. I’d lay low otherwise you too will ruin the right moment to get some cookies.”

Max: “Peanut I sure hope you’re right because I am beginning to drool again. Look at Beau; his is almost touching the ground.”

Peanut: “Guys stop drooling! If Mom sees that she’ll know for sure we’re ready to break! Cool, calm and collect is the way to be.”

As my doodle dogs talk quietly their secretive canine language I begin to roll out the last 2 dozen molasses cookies and roll them in sugar. By now my kitchen is a mess with flour scattered on the countertop, somehow Max has confectionary sugar on his face, there is vanilla extract droplets on the butcher block and my hands smell like molasses. BUT I am not wearing an apron and so proud of myself this time as I am not wearing half the stuff I mentioned on my sweater and pants. Even my big basketball slippers are devoid of any baking ingredients! However with 2 sheets of cookies cooling I am running out of space in my tiny kitchen. So what do I do? I take the molasses cookie sheet and put it on the step stool to get my oven mitts so I can now put the last batch in the oven. Unknown to me are 3 doodle dogs carefully watching and calculating their goal: to have just ONE molasses cookie dough ball! Yes folks, I just had the blonde moment that Peanut predicted earlier. (If you ask me, she’s a smart dog for a being blonde).

In a split second all 3 doodles scatter forming a semi-circle with my senses being in the twilight zone. And before I could register what was going to occur the next event unfolded quicker than you can say Jack Robinson.

Max: “Ok guys; watch me because here I go. I know how to play this one just right and remember Mom thinks I am the best behaved one of all 3 of us. This is going to be so worth it! Even if I do get sent to my crate I’ll have tasted one of these cookies she’s been making for over 2 hours.”

Peanut: “Max you better make sure you drop some to share with us”.

Beau: “Peanut, do you really trust Max that much?”

Peanut: “Beau, I’ve known Max a long time and we’re best buds. To-date he’s never let me down yet. Then again this is the first time I’ve seen Max having trouble keeping up his composure. Oh, now I am not sure Beau. Keep your paws crossed”.

Max slowly walks past me and the step stool. I figure he is being really obedient and figured out he isn’t getting any holiday baked goods and going to see Dave in the living room. Dave usually has snacks after 9 pm sitting on the coffee table. Max’s is about 70% past the step stool and I turn around to make sure I know where my other 2 doodles are when I hear that LOUD Click sound of teeth. I stand there in shock for about 1 second before it registers; Max has stolen a molasses cookie dough ball right off the cookie sheet! Shoot! And then I do the infamous quick thinking maneuver and yell real abrupt and loud, “ MAXXXXXXXXX! NO!” I scared the heck out of Max so much that he dropped the molasses cookie ball whereby I said “STAY” and promptly picked it up and threw it in the garbage and remembered to close the lid. I failed to tell many of you that I originally started with brunette hair color …so I do have some smarts left in my blonde moments.

Mom: 2 points! Max 0!

Peanut and Beau both get 1 point for not attempting the same dare devil feat of thievery.

Peanut and Beau stand there in shocking disappointment with the saddest looking faces I have seen in a long time.

Peanut: “Uh, Max, what happened? You know you really blew it! And now none of us have a chance of getting any cookies cooked or uncooked.”

Beau: “Max, not to rub salt in the wound as I am still quite young but you really messed up big time. Mom got you good! If you could have seen your face hahahhaahaa I though you were going to poop right on the floor you were so scared!”

Beau cann
ot stop laughing and Peanut joins in (and so do I).

Max: “Real funny guys! And I wasn’t scared one bit! I was being good and listened to Mom. And who thought Mom would have caught on so quickly. You have to give me credit, I almost fooled her completely! I just have to figure out how not to make my teeth snap and click so loud. And I didn’t see either of you taking a chance like I did. Besides, Mom just gave me all the attention telling me what a good boy I am”.

I now realize I almost had been had by one smart thinking doodle, namely Max. Why the other 2 doodles didn’t try this is beyond me. Had they tried the tray would have fallen to the ground and each doodle would have had success. I mean they were good as gold for almost 3 hours smelling all kinds of wonderful goodies baking and then cooling off on the counter.

Dave, my son and I had a good laugh over Max’s close win, as they say, “Close by no cigar”. The look of shock on Max’s face when I yelled his name still makes me laugh! His eyes got as big as dinner plates, he lost his concentration and well the cookie fell right out of his mouth when his jaw hit the ground.

I did commend Max with a big hug and kiss feeling bad for scaring him so badly. Once again I got a good laugh and Dave got a few good pictures of this story.

Moral of the story: there is none. Why?

Because I am too busy eating some of my bon bons and molasses cookies with 3 doodle dogs sitting at my feet. And I will not turn my back nor get up and walk to the kitchen for a glass of milk either as I am too busy guarding my plate of goodies. And I need to prove I do have some brunette smarts to my family and myself.

And the gifts that my 3 doodle dogs bear that aren’t from the Orient are: unconditional love and laughter. Christmas to my dogs will mean love, hugs, kisses, laughter along with some bones and squeaker stuffed toys which they will discover Christmas morning. And all the loving attention they will get from Dave, my 3 teenagers, myself and any other company that may visit during the day.

Merry Christmas! May you all have a happy, warm, fun-loving holiday season filled with an abundance of good memories.

Enjoy and God Bless!

Sincerely,

Max, Peanut, Beau and family

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: TWAS a Few Nights Before Christmas

Quality Assurance Inspectors?

I have heard of people refer to their dogs of stealing things in their house. Others state it is called borrowing. And then there are those that say their dogs eat and swallow things in order to hide the evidence. Since Max and Peanut don’t hide what they take nor readily give it up easily I have to insist it is neither one, instead it how Max became our Quality Assurance Inspector and Peanut his QA assistant. Beau is our latest addition to the Quality Assurance team and in apprenticeship at the moment.

Now why would I state this fact? Because that is exactly what they do! They check out things to make sure they are up to code specifications. Moreover, my dogs really do care about our well being, testing all different products to ensure our safety needs are met at all times.

Max tests my panties to see if the elastic stretches just right, not too tight nor too loose. He then proceeds to taste the cloth to see if the texture is what the labels says: cotton versus nylon. Peanut then will give the 2nd opinion when Max either deems it necessary or is uncertain. Same with Spaulding balls…do they bounce correctly? Each and every time as well. Can they split easily hence the need to chew them for approximately 3 to 5 minutes at daily intervals. Additionally, how much syrup of Ipecac is needed in one’s home for emergencies with unsafe practices and/or products that can cause discomfort or digestive issues? Seriously, we need to also consider the health of quality assurance inspectors too.

Quality Assurance Inspection is top notch in my house. Socks are tested to see if they unravel with the slightest licking or chewing, especially the ones that have the reinforced toes on them. Towels are tested for dryer durability. Max and Peanut simulate a dryer by running and tumbling with the towel each one holding an end. If it can withstand multiple tests weekly it is good enough to go in our wash then dryer. Next are old worn out boots and sneakers. Once they tear easily they are no longer safe to wear and need to be thrown out. (Note: rubber cement glue does not hold up more than a few weeks) Coats are left alone as they usually have an inspector tag and number inside one of the pockets when you buy them.

Those illegal tags that warn you not to remove them, well those are put to the test for major store chains right here in our humble household. Unfortunately, I have not been able to convince these stores their tags are not up to our standards as they tear off easily. Well that is what Max and Peanut not only told me but showed me just the other day.

Quality Assurance is not an easy job as it takes much patience, thought, training, and practice. Moreover, one has to have thick skin in order to be a QA inspector to stand up to differing opinions in a human household. Humans and dogs do not always see eye to eye, especially when our QA inspectors run off with their next item to test out. Dave and I are wondering when we should fire them and offer them a different career but the dishwasher position hasn’t opened up yet—-that’s our teenagers’ job still. Doing laundry is out of the question, which is my job. Hold on, Dave is complaining now saying he helps (once in a blue moon) with the laundry. Okay, I just made Dave feel better and said he is my laundry assistant. (Glad that one is settled) Dave is also the part-time outdoor grill chef. Something tells me our food does not need canine QA inspecting as of yet. We are running out of ideas as to what other jobs Max and Peanut could apply for in our house. Beau is too young for working papers. And taking out the garbage is out of the question. For now, we’ll let them stay QA inspectors but conference with them as to what really needs inspecting and what should be left alone.

As of present day, we have all agreed TV remotes, computer mouse and keyboards, and plants are safe for us to use daily and do not need inspection. Empty gallon plastic jugs still get tested to see how well they withstand falling down and not busting. We are let known also when a plant is in need of watering to maintain optimal health. How is this accomplished is one of our QA inspectors either bite the leaf or see how easily it pulls off and then shove their nose in the dirt to test the dryness level. How can I ever thank them enough for the wondrous help they provide free of charge?

My big overstuffed red basketball slippers that are not nonskid, Peanut just informed me yesterday that they rip easily and are way overstuffed. Lucky for me, Peanut was able to fix the overstuffing problem. The slippers are now slimmer and have better ventilation via holes in them. The non-skid problem has yet to have a solution at the moment. Beau is thinking over too as he has a problem skidding on our floors and keeps studying his own paws as well. He is a thinker for sure!

Cell phones are usually left alone along with remote controls. But a Bluetooth for hands free talking was just tested for shock resistance, durability and operation under stress. Max’s mouth recently was flashing blue! Dave informed me to get Max quickly as he was taking his job as QA too seriously. I let Max take off early from work that night and finally was handed a sopping wet, chewed up, possibly toothless, Bluetooth device. After a night of recharging, it still didn’t work or at least for 3 days. This toothless device came back to life, people sound smaller and quieter but it does work for now. Once again, my QA inspectors have proven which items hold up to their testing standards. Question is do I dare write to any companies informing them of the testing methods we do and how well they do or don’t hold up to industry standards?

So all in all I would say we are pretty darn fortunate to have built in QA inspectors ready, willing and able to complete any job that needs their attention. I do not need to read consumer reports or studies done on particular products as our dogs are the best QA inspectors in the business! We already know how far and wide elastic bands can stretch, how long a plastic food bowl with a rubber bottom lasts, and when shoes need to be thrown out for safety reasons. Recalls of products are a thing of the past! But we do call our dogs and recall them over and over again. Sometimes they heed our recall other times they develop their own. All in all we feel we have honest, sincere, genuine loving dogs that do not steal nor borrow items from us in this house. Instead they constantly provide loving care and guidance for us to pay attention to what NOT to buy again in the future, thus saving us money on products that do not last like stated on a label or instruction booklet. We are truly blessed and wish each and every one of you to have your very own personal canine QA inspector in your household.

Remember, the bright side is they don’t take sick days, holidays, do not get paid overtime or need disability and lucky for them they don’t pay taxes. To-date there has not been any mention of workers compensation when they have banged into a wall when testing a particular product. Instead they offer this service totally free of charge each and every time.

Update of newest recall: the seams on the back of wool throw rugs come off easily and need reinforcing. A loose thread on a rug needs immediate sewing or becomes unraveled quickly thereby posing a health hazard. Bluetooth devices do become toothless after a couple of QA tests. Real fur products on winter hats and coats pose an allergy hazard and must be destroyed.

Will wonders never cease? Or will I continuously be truly blessed to have 3 of the best quality assurance inspectors? Eat your heart out.

I am so fortunate to have 3 of the best, loving canine quality assurance inspectors in the world, that love my family and I so much that they ensure we life safely on a daily basis.

P.S. Remember, quality assurance inspectors do not come by their talent easily. One needs to let them develop their career with patience, guidance, love and a sense of humor at all times.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Quality Assurance Inspectors?

Nice Clean Shiny Floors?

To this day I cannot figure out who causes more anguish with keeping a clean organized house: 2 dogs or teenagers and one fiancé. I replaced 2500 sq. ft. of ugly, worn out, matted down, stained, 12 year old carpeting with cherry laminate floors. The rest of the house is Mexican tiles. I must say when they are freshly mopped my house has a shine to it! Then I vacuum thick wool throw rugs. Next thing is to do is to wash all fingerprints and paw prints off archways, walls, light switches and wherever else one finds them. I get 4 loads of wash done and neatly folded managing to put half of it away. New freshly laundered towels are hung on bathroom towel racks. Sinks are devoid of toothpaste and whatnot. Toilets scrubbed squeaky clean. Mirrors no longer have spots on them. I even dust half the house too after throwing out the cluttering mail that accumulates on my dining room table. The million and one shoes by the door are organized into neat rows with the oldest dirtiest ones being hidden in a closet. Dishes are unloaded from the dishwasher; the lazy Susan gets cleaned and reorganized. Bills are even paid. Dogs are put in their crates to nap while accomplishing the tasks of household cleaning duty as they too have been played with, fed and walked. My teenagers are not at home and neither is Dave. Life is grand! I feel so relieved, happy and ready to take a nice short hot bath alone. My goal of conquering housework feels great! I almost feel smug sitting down for a moment with hot coffee admiring not only the house but wow nice clean shiny floors! Up I go to take my bath and rejuvenate while basking in my well deserved glory of doing a fairly decent job before going to work later in the day or on my day off.

Do you know how short lived this glory of a clean uncluttered shiny floored house lasts? Let’s say, “NOT very long”. I once took a picture and now look at it when I need to feel reassured that my house USED to stay this way for more than a few hours or even a day at times. The pre-doodle and pre-teenager days I think I had more control over this situation. Oh, let’s not forget pre-fiancé days too. Being immaculate has never been one of my life’s goals. However, having a fairly decent straightened up house has been. I have now learned to attempt this feat 2 times a week, quickly admire it and know it will get undone within 6 hours or less. ( correction: having 3 doodles now shortens the the timespan to being undone within 3 hours or less).Soon there will be skateboards, a disarray of assorted shoes, numerous dog toys, a lone sock dripping with dog salvia, bits of fuzz from a de-fuzzed dog toy, more mail on the table, paw print patterns scattered here and there, more dust, some dried mud by the door, new fingerprints, a bathroom towel that somehow manages to fall on the floor while wet, toothpaste in the bathroom sink and so on. Dave has an affinity for buying movies, as of present day we have enough movies to open our own video rental store. I don’t think my house is zoned for commercial use otherwise it could be a nice side income. I keep finding movies scattered here and there though we do have shelving. Do I abandon ship? NO! I am the captain and I go down with my ship! But my ship is really a house. Do I scream? Do I give up? Do I complain (once in a while), should I start my own housecleaning business, as I have gotten really go at it the past 20 years. Hmm, there’s a thought for another day. Then again I did mention earlier that I like challenges ( in a previous article). Folks, living with teenagers, 1 adult male and 3 dogs in a large house and yard does present daily challenges. I put my reality in perspective and realize I am happy.

My house will never be in a “Beautiful Homes and Gardens” magazine nor will it ever make it to the state of a “Farms and Gardens” one either. Life really isn’t that bad I realize. I think I just found the happy medium. Clean 2 to 3 times a week, know that you did your best and just accept it even though I was raised that cleanliness was next to godlines. I figure God knows I put my best foot forward and is ever forgiving. Lastly, if my house has a bit of clutter, tad of dirt, and not sterile looking I am making my friends feel better about themselves. Think about it, who in their right mind really wants to visit someone who always has the cleanest neatest house in town? I’ll let each and every one of you answer that one for yourself. I know my answer. But if I ever win a lottery or inherit money, I will hire a housecleaning service so I can take longer hot baths while they clean and restore clean shiny floors to my home helping me achieve godliness my parents tried to teach for years on end. Perhaps my floors look cleaner than I perceive as I am asked a lot by company if we have a 5 second rule for anything that drops on the floor. My answer now is “I don’t but my dogs do!” For the time being, I’ll take the paw printed floors, movie and mail cluttered house, shoes galore by the front door, coats hanging on dining room chairs along with knowing I DID CLEAN earlier and go sit on my favorite leather chair to also put my feet up on the ottoman to relax. Moreover, I can always look at the picture I took a while back to remember the good old days when I had clean shiny floors more than present day. Yet i do believe today is even better as I am in a home many call cozy and well loved by my children, fiance and 3 doodles. Besides who wants to be perfect living in a perfectly clean house with shiny floors all the time?!

So is it nice clean shiny floors? Or a Carpe diem home attitude that is filled with love, laughter and a bit of clutter and some pawprints on my floors ? I’ll take the latter of the two any day.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Nice Clean Shiny Floors?