TWAS a Few Nights Before Christmas

Christmas day is soon to arrive and my 3 doodle dogs have a heartfelt message to convey to one and all.We 3 doodles are not from the Orient. However we do bring gifts for all to bear. We are not aware of the true meaning of Christmas that humans have knowledge of and practice yearly. So instead we would like to tell you what Christmas means to our 3 doodle dogs.

4 Nights before Christmas is when MOM starts to make holiday goodies:

Max, our 17 month old Labradoodle weighing in at 85 lbs.

“Oh boy! Oh yeah!! Hey Peanut you smell that? Where’s mom? Peanut stop chewing that bone and help me out please. Beau please go and find Dad.”

Beau, our 5 month old Goldendoodle weighing in at 42 lbs.

“Why should I go find Daddy, let Peanut do it. Remember I have the soft ears and sad Hush Puppy Eyes which makes my MOM melt and no longer works for you Max, ha ha!

Peanut, our 12 month old Goldendoodle now down to a svelte 55lbs.

“Uh, guys remember I am the boss even though I am sweet as pie and everyone says I am the cutest dog anyone has ever seen. Remember people say my coat is ‘to die for!” So guys, forget about trying to distract me as I may be blonde but I do have brains! How else do I always steal your toys and bones away from you? Heh, heh, heh.”

MOM , which is me, the mother of 3 dogs that lately feels like I have a 3, 6, and 13 year old instead of 3 doodle dogs.“Max, Peanut, Beau…OUT, OUT, OUT! Okay if you sit and watch by the doorway and be good you can stay in the kitchen with me”, is what I say to them. I now remind myself not to turn my back for a second, take inventory on all cooking ingredients out like butter, molasses, and cookie dough making sure I push it far back as possible on the counter top. “Dave can you put on some Christmas music please as remember I have all 3 doodles with me now and they aren’t bugging you to go out or anything. Thanks Dave”. When a guy is lying on a couch with a remote in hand and has a full belly they need reminding at times with women’s logic as to why they need to get up OFF the couch and pacify a woman’s small sincere request to shut off their TV program which they end up sleeping and snoring through. When you try to switch the program or put on music, a man always awaken saying, “hey I was watching that”.

Yeah right, what through mental imagery in between checking your eyelids for holes and clearing your sinus passages via snoring? Men’s logic does not work on most women such as myself. Dave is a smart man as he put some music on and he can now go read a book while I have 3 pairs of eyes and 3 wagging tails behaving like 3 perfect angels in the kitchen with me.

NOW back to my dog’s meaning of Christmas or at least 4 nights before Christmas.I am taking out milk, eggs, spatulas, wooden spoons, 2 books with stained pages that fall out every time you open the book, granulated sugar, brown sugar, confectionary sugar, ginger, cream of tartar, molasses, tons of flour, pans, too much butter, walnuts, rolling pin, raspberry preserves, chocolate, raisins, and now I wish I just had a tall floor to ceiling Lazy Susan as my back is being bent every which way looking for measuring spoons, pans, cookie trays and the attachments to my Kitchen Aid Mixer. Ok now that my kitchen looks like a few of the grocery isles in a food store I am almost ready to begin. Pre-heat the oven and make sure the parchment paper is under a watchful eye every second and remember I have 3 adorable angelic dogs underfoot that could become devilish thieves at any given moment if I even blink long enough. I make a mental note to make sure the raisins and chocolate are high up as they are dangerous ingredients to a dog’s intestinal tract. And also try to announce this to my household.Ok, music is on, ingredients are ready, oven is warm, and everything is laid out in a somewhat fashionable order. Oh wait, I need the step stool to use both for sitting and to fend off 3 doodle dogs when taking out bon bons, fudge, molasses cookies, walnut fudge and more. Now I can finally start on my holiday baking. Not bad, it only took me 75 minutes to get organized without any mishaps so far and amazingly I have not tripped over a dog yet or stepped on any of their tails. And so far my house and cell phone are quiet with no one calling—yet.Max, Peanut and Beau are licking their chops, wagging their tails, one has a bit of drool hanging but they are all quieter than a mouse. They sit in anticipation. I really will believe they are being extremely good and will turn my back as all 3 can reach counter tops and give me “just checking it out Mom” look when caught. I just realized the lid on the garbage is open and close it immediately. Homemade fudge is done and in freezer with no mishaps. Now comes the fun part making bons bons in the world’s tiniest kitchen which is referred in earlier years as a “cook’s kitchen”. (Note: Dave always calls it a “ship’s galley” kitchen)

Max: “Mom can I take a closer look at what you’re putting on that tray? I promise I’ll be good. I will look but not touch or eat more than one”.

Peanut: “Mom, do NOT believe Max, he is the sneakiest one of us all and he doesn’t always drop it anymore to share with me.”

Beau: “Mom, do NOT believe them for one minute as I heard you telling Dad they cannot be trusted for one second alone in the kitchen. Now me, I am the innocent puppy who isn’t fully trained that you give clemency to if there is a sniff, snag, and gulp-it-quick mishap.”

I hear my dogs whispering quietly amongst themselves and do understand their body language but not their spoken language. I wonder what they’re talking about.

The bons bons are ready and ohhhhh do they smell good. I myself would love to try one but they need to cool off and be dipped in chocolate and walnuts. Also, I don’t feel like burning my tongue doing the “oh, oh, ha, ha, ahhhhh” and racing for some cold water where afterwards you can’t taste much for a day or two. No, I’ll wait for them to cool off.

Max says to Peanut and Beau: “Wait why are we being told to get OUT again? Isn’t this considered food and for eating? That’s okay if they’re hot we’ll sit and wait for them to cool off. Besides, aren’t you supposed to taste one to make sure the came out ok? So why is she not lettings us help her out? Doesn’t she love us? Ok, time for plan 1 to take effect :Give the soft sweet head tilt with the saddest eyes you can muster up and sit really straight and don’t whine yet.”

I take out the bons bons and put them high up, turn around and trip over Peanut as she sat too closely behind my feet. I quickly get my balance without dropping the cookie sheet.

Max: “Oh great Peanut, good move! Now we’re being made to go back to edge of the doorway of the kitchen again. Why do you always do that?!”

Peanut: “Do not worry Max, if we lie down quietly we’ll be back allowed in the kitchen in a few minutes and I didn’t do it on purpose you know. Beau I want you to walk up beside Mom in about 3 minutes when the mixer is on again and sit real good giving her a few kisses with the cute sad puppy look”.

Beau: “Just tell me when okay? As this is one my best qualities that works on Mom most of the time.”

Max: “Beau, remember NO whining and NO jumping or you’ll ruin it for us all. I know you can do it buddy, I have faith in you. I’ll tell you when so just wait for now.”

I now bring out the step stool to sit on while all 3 doodles lying quietly snuggled together and this makes me smile. They all are being so good and it is so nice to see them bonding together. “Dave do you see this? Max, Peanut and Beau are so cute, come see this and do you mind bringing me my step stool so I can sit while making cookies as my back is beginning to hurt. Thanks honey!” I do remind him he has had almost 2 hours without doodles left alone in peace and quiet. He brings me the step stool e
agerly.

The way I make homemade fudge is almost too easy. Put all ingredients in a glass bowl and put in the microwave for a few minutes then take out and stir thoroughly and pour into a pan. Lastly put it in the freezer for 45 minutes to set. Now to-date I love molasses cookies but never made them. And considering the other night I ate almost all my neighbor’s while having a visit with them, the least I can do is make some and replace them.

No one tells you though that after mixing and making the dough for these cookies that you have dough to bake for an army. Or in reality, it makes about 5 dozen medium sized cookies. Good thing is that they bake in 12 minutes, cool quickly and your house smells great! While making these types of cookies is fairly easy keeping 3 doodles dogs in check and balance isn’t as I found out this fact firsthand.

Max: “Hey guys, what is she rolling in her hands then in that white stuff ? I need to get a closer look. Beau, come on buddy; move over a bit will you? And Peanut did you really lose 10 lbs? Cause your butt really is still in the way. Remember Peanut, Mom does not give you any treats due to your diet. Beau your tummy is too immature to handle any of this stuff. It will make you really sick, so please stand back ok? Thanks.”

Beau: “ I was here first Max, first come first serve and eat your heart out cause MOM is giggling how cute I am with my head resting on her lap and being the perfect puppy right now.”

Peanut: “Max that was not a nice thing to say to me. See if I share my bone with you again. Beau, you know you always lose it and start jumping up on Mom as you get too excited and then get in trouble. So guys, I’ll just be patient as you both lose it around food and I know how to remain cool, calm and collect. Max, for your information the other night Mom gave me a piece of cheese when you both weren’t looking.”

I now proceed to roll these brown molasses balls in sugar and place them on a baking sheet. They’re in the over and time to do the next few dozen and once again my doodle dogs talking with each other.

Max: “This is too much for me guys; the smells are driving me crazy. How can you stand it? I have to figure out a way to just smell, maybe LICK one and exert control over my desire to STEAL and EAT ONE NOW!”

Peanut: “Max, calm down buddy, Mom will sooner or later mess up and turn her back trusting us as she just told Dave how good we’re being. And look at her, she is getting tired now as it’s almost 9:30pm. Don’t worry; mom will have a blonde moment soon. So if you go for it NOW you’ll ruin it for us.”

Beau: “Wow I have so much to learn from you guys to become the master of deception and thievery in this house. Ok if I sneak up on mom’s lap and act puppyish and loving do you think she’ll get distracted? You do know that she is softer on me than you both.”

Peanut: Beau your ego is too big for your head, Mom is stricter with you because she trusts Max and me since we’re both mature now. I’d lay low otherwise you too will ruin the right moment to get some cookies.”

Max: “Peanut I sure hope you’re right because I am beginning to drool again. Look at Beau; his is almost touching the ground.”

Peanut: “Guys stop drooling! If Mom sees that she’ll know for sure we’re ready to break! Cool, calm and collect is the way to be.”

As my doodle dogs talk quietly their secretive canine language I begin to roll out the last 2 dozen molasses cookies and roll them in sugar. By now my kitchen is a mess with flour scattered on the countertop, somehow Max has confectionary sugar on his face, there is vanilla extract droplets on the butcher block and my hands smell like molasses. BUT I am not wearing an apron and so proud of myself this time as I am not wearing half the stuff I mentioned on my sweater and pants. Even my big basketball slippers are devoid of any baking ingredients! However with 2 sheets of cookies cooling I am running out of space in my tiny kitchen. So what do I do? I take the molasses cookie sheet and put it on the step stool to get my oven mitts so I can now put the last batch in the oven. Unknown to me are 3 doodle dogs carefully watching and calculating their goal: to have just ONE molasses cookie dough ball! Yes folks, I just had the blonde moment that Peanut predicted earlier. (If you ask me, she’s a smart dog for a being blonde).

In a split second all 3 doodles scatter forming a semi-circle with my senses being in the twilight zone. And before I could register what was going to occur the next event unfolded quicker than you can say Jack Robinson.

Max: “Ok guys; watch me because here I go. I know how to play this one just right and remember Mom thinks I am the best behaved one of all 3 of us. This is going to be so worth it! Even if I do get sent to my crate I’ll have tasted one of these cookies she’s been making for over 2 hours.”

Peanut: “Max you better make sure you drop some to share with us”.

Beau: “Peanut, do you really trust Max that much?”

Peanut: “Beau, I’ve known Max a long time and we’re best buds. To-date he’s never let me down yet. Then again this is the first time I’ve seen Max having trouble keeping up his composure. Oh, now I am not sure Beau. Keep your paws crossed”.

Max slowly walks past me and the step stool. I figure he is being really obedient and figured out he isn’t getting any holiday baked goods and going to see Dave in the living room. Dave usually has snacks after 9 pm sitting on the coffee table. Max’s is about 70% past the step stool and I turn around to make sure I know where my other 2 doodles are when I hear that LOUD Click sound of teeth. I stand there in shock for about 1 second before it registers; Max has stolen a molasses cookie dough ball right off the cookie sheet! Shoot! And then I do the infamous quick thinking maneuver and yell real abrupt and loud, “ MAXXXXXXXXX! NO!” I scared the heck out of Max so much that he dropped the molasses cookie ball whereby I said “STAY” and promptly picked it up and threw it in the garbage and remembered to close the lid. I failed to tell many of you that I originally started with brunette hair color …so I do have some smarts left in my blonde moments.

Mom: 2 points! Max 0!

Peanut and Beau both get 1 point for not attempting the same dare devil feat of thievery.

Peanut and Beau stand there in shocking disappointment with the saddest looking faces I have seen in a long time.

Peanut: “Uh, Max, what happened? You know you really blew it! And now none of us have a chance of getting any cookies cooked or uncooked.”

Beau: “Max, not to rub salt in the wound as I am still quite young but you really messed up big time. Mom got you good! If you could have seen your face hahahhaahaa I though you were going to poop right on the floor you were so scared!”

Beau cann
ot stop laughing and Peanut joins in (and so do I).

Max: “Real funny guys! And I wasn’t scared one bit! I was being good and listened to Mom. And who thought Mom would have caught on so quickly. You have to give me credit, I almost fooled her completely! I just have to figure out how not to make my teeth snap and click so loud. And I didn’t see either of you taking a chance like I did. Besides, Mom just gave me all the attention telling me what a good boy I am”.

I now realize I almost had been had by one smart thinking doodle, namely Max. Why the other 2 doodles didn’t try this is beyond me. Had they tried the tray would have fallen to the ground and each doodle would have had success. I mean they were good as gold for almost 3 hours smelling all kinds of wonderful goodies baking and then cooling off on the counter.

Dave, my son and I had a good laugh over Max’s close win, as they say, “Close by no cigar”. The look of shock on Max’s face when I yelled his name still makes me laugh! His eyes got as big as dinner plates, he lost his concentration and well the cookie fell right out of his mouth when his jaw hit the ground.

I did commend Max with a big hug and kiss feeling bad for scaring him so badly. Once again I got a good laugh and Dave got a few good pictures of this story.

Moral of the story: there is none. Why?

Because I am too busy eating some of my bon bons and molasses cookies with 3 doodle dogs sitting at my feet. And I will not turn my back nor get up and walk to the kitchen for a glass of milk either as I am too busy guarding my plate of goodies. And I need to prove I do have some brunette smarts to my family and myself.

And the gifts that my 3 doodle dogs bear that aren’t from the Orient are: unconditional love and laughter. Christmas to my dogs will mean love, hugs, kisses, laughter along with some bones and squeaker stuffed toys which they will discover Christmas morning. And all the loving attention they will get from Dave, my 3 teenagers, myself and any other company that may visit during the day.

Merry Christmas! May you all have a happy, warm, fun-loving holiday season filled with an abundance of good memories.

Enjoy and God Bless!

Sincerely,

Max, Peanut, Beau and family

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

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Quality Assurance Inspectors?

I have heard of people refer to their dogs of stealing things in their house. Others state it is called borrowing. And then there are those that say their dogs eat and swallow things in order to hide the evidence. Since Max and Peanut don’t hide what they take nor readily give it up easily I have to insist it is neither one, instead it how Max became our Quality Assurance Inspector and Peanut his QA assistant. Beau is our latest addition to the Quality Assurance team and in apprenticeship at the moment.

Now why would I state this fact? Because that is exactly what they do! They check out things to make sure they are up to code specifications. Moreover, my dogs really do care about our well being, testing all different products to ensure our safety needs are met at all times.

Max tests my panties to see if the elastic stretches just right, not too tight nor too loose. He then proceeds to taste the cloth to see if the texture is what the labels says: cotton versus nylon. Peanut then will give the 2nd opinion when Max either deems it necessary or is uncertain. Same with Spaulding balls…do they bounce correctly? Each and every time as well. Can they split easily hence the need to chew them for approximately 3 to 5 minutes at daily intervals. Additionally, how much syrup of Ipecac is needed in one’s home for emergencies with unsafe practices and/or products that can cause discomfort or digestive issues? Seriously, we need to also consider the health of quality assurance inspectors too.

Quality Assurance Inspection is top notch in my house. Socks are tested to see if they unravel with the slightest licking or chewing, especially the ones that have the reinforced toes on them. Towels are tested for dryer durability. Max and Peanut simulate a dryer by running and tumbling with the towel each one holding an end. If it can withstand multiple tests weekly it is good enough to go in our wash then dryer. Next are old worn out boots and sneakers. Once they tear easily they are no longer safe to wear and need to be thrown out. (Note: rubber cement glue does not hold up more than a few weeks) Coats are left alone as they usually have an inspector tag and number inside one of the pockets when you buy them.

Those illegal tags that warn you not to remove them, well those are put to the test for major store chains right here in our humble household. Unfortunately, I have not been able to convince these stores their tags are not up to our standards as they tear off easily. Well that is what Max and Peanut not only told me but showed me just the other day.

Quality Assurance is not an easy job as it takes much patience, thought, training, and practice. Moreover, one has to have thick skin in order to be a QA inspector to stand up to differing opinions in a human household. Humans and dogs do not always see eye to eye, especially when our QA inspectors run off with their next item to test out. Dave and I are wondering when we should fire them and offer them a different career but the dishwasher position hasn’t opened up yet—-that’s our teenagers’ job still. Doing laundry is out of the question, which is my job. Hold on, Dave is complaining now saying he helps (once in a blue moon) with the laundry. Okay, I just made Dave feel better and said he is my laundry assistant. (Glad that one is settled) Dave is also the part-time outdoor grill chef. Something tells me our food does not need canine QA inspecting as of yet. We are running out of ideas as to what other jobs Max and Peanut could apply for in our house. Beau is too young for working papers. And taking out the garbage is out of the question. For now, we’ll let them stay QA inspectors but conference with them as to what really needs inspecting and what should be left alone.

As of present day, we have all agreed TV remotes, computer mouse and keyboards, and plants are safe for us to use daily and do not need inspection. Empty gallon plastic jugs still get tested to see how well they withstand falling down and not busting. We are let known also when a plant is in need of watering to maintain optimal health. How is this accomplished is one of our QA inspectors either bite the leaf or see how easily it pulls off and then shove their nose in the dirt to test the dryness level. How can I ever thank them enough for the wondrous help they provide free of charge?

My big overstuffed red basketball slippers that are not nonskid, Peanut just informed me yesterday that they rip easily and are way overstuffed. Lucky for me, Peanut was able to fix the overstuffing problem. The slippers are now slimmer and have better ventilation via holes in them. The non-skid problem has yet to have a solution at the moment. Beau is thinking over too as he has a problem skidding on our floors and keeps studying his own paws as well. He is a thinker for sure!

Cell phones are usually left alone along with remote controls. But a Bluetooth for hands free talking was just tested for shock resistance, durability and operation under stress. Max’s mouth recently was flashing blue! Dave informed me to get Max quickly as he was taking his job as QA too seriously. I let Max take off early from work that night and finally was handed a sopping wet, chewed up, possibly toothless, Bluetooth device. After a night of recharging, it still didn’t work or at least for 3 days. This toothless device came back to life, people sound smaller and quieter but it does work for now. Once again, my QA inspectors have proven which items hold up to their testing standards. Question is do I dare write to any companies informing them of the testing methods we do and how well they do or don’t hold up to industry standards?

So all in all I would say we are pretty darn fortunate to have built in QA inspectors ready, willing and able to complete any job that needs their attention. I do not need to read consumer reports or studies done on particular products as our dogs are the best QA inspectors in the business! We already know how far and wide elastic bands can stretch, how long a plastic food bowl with a rubber bottom lasts, and when shoes need to be thrown out for safety reasons. Recalls of products are a thing of the past! But we do call our dogs and recall them over and over again. Sometimes they heed our recall other times they develop their own. All in all we feel we have honest, sincere, genuine loving dogs that do not steal nor borrow items from us in this house. Instead they constantly provide loving care and guidance for us to pay attention to what NOT to buy again in the future, thus saving us money on products that do not last like stated on a label or instruction booklet. We are truly blessed and wish each and every one of you to have your very own personal canine QA inspector in your household.

Remember, the bright side is they don’t take sick days, holidays, do not get paid overtime or need disability and lucky for them they don’t pay taxes. To-date there has not been any mention of workers compensation when they have banged into a wall when testing a particular product. Instead they offer this service totally free of charge each and every time.

Update of newest recall: the seams on the back of wool throw rugs come off easily and need reinforcing. A loose thread on a rug needs immediate sewing or becomes unraveled quickly thereby posing a health hazard. Bluetooth devices do become toothless after a couple of QA tests. Real fur products on winter hats and coats pose an allergy hazard and must be destroyed.

Will wonders never cease? Or will I continuously be truly blessed to have 3 of the best quality assurance inspectors? Eat your heart out.

I am so fortunate to have 3 of the best, loving canine quality assurance inspectors in the world, that love my family and I so much that they ensure we life safely on a daily basis.

P.S. Remember, quality assurance inspectors do not come by their talent easily. One needs to let them develop their career with patience, guidance, love and a sense of humor at all times.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

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Nice Clean Shiny Floors?

To this day I cannot figure out who causes more anguish with keeping a clean organized house: 2 dogs or teenagers and one fiancé. I replaced 2500 sq. ft. of ugly, worn out, matted down, stained, 12 year old carpeting with cherry laminate floors. The rest of the house is Mexican tiles. I must say when they are freshly mopped my house has a shine to it! Then I vacuum thick wool throw rugs. Next thing is to do is to wash all fingerprints and paw prints off archways, walls, light switches and wherever else one finds them. I get 4 loads of wash done and neatly folded managing to put half of it away. New freshly laundered towels are hung on bathroom towel racks. Sinks are devoid of toothpaste and whatnot. Toilets scrubbed squeaky clean. Mirrors no longer have spots on them. I even dust half the house too after throwing out the cluttering mail that accumulates on my dining room table. The million and one shoes by the door are organized into neat rows with the oldest dirtiest ones being hidden in a closet. Dishes are unloaded from the dishwasher; the lazy Susan gets cleaned and reorganized. Bills are even paid. Dogs are put in their crates to nap while accomplishing the tasks of household cleaning duty as they too have been played with, fed and walked. My teenagers are not at home and neither is Dave. Life is grand! I feel so relieved, happy and ready to take a nice short hot bath alone. My goal of conquering housework feels great! I almost feel smug sitting down for a moment with hot coffee admiring not only the house but wow nice clean shiny floors! Up I go to take my bath and rejuvenate while basking in my well deserved glory of doing a fairly decent job before going to work later in the day or on my day off.

Do you know how short lived this glory of a clean uncluttered shiny floored house lasts? Let’s say, “NOT very long”. I once took a picture and now look at it when I need to feel reassured that my house USED to stay this way for more than a few hours or even a day at times. The pre-doodle and pre-teenager days I think I had more control over this situation. Oh, let’s not forget pre-fiancé days too. Being immaculate has never been one of my life’s goals. However, having a fairly decent straightened up house has been. I have now learned to attempt this feat 2 times a week, quickly admire it and know it will get undone within 6 hours or less. ( correction: having 3 doodles now shortens the the timespan to being undone within 3 hours or less).Soon there will be skateboards, a disarray of assorted shoes, numerous dog toys, a lone sock dripping with dog salvia, bits of fuzz from a de-fuzzed dog toy, more mail on the table, paw print patterns scattered here and there, more dust, some dried mud by the door, new fingerprints, a bathroom towel that somehow manages to fall on the floor while wet, toothpaste in the bathroom sink and so on. Dave has an affinity for buying movies, as of present day we have enough movies to open our own video rental store. I don’t think my house is zoned for commercial use otherwise it could be a nice side income. I keep finding movies scattered here and there though we do have shelving. Do I abandon ship? NO! I am the captain and I go down with my ship! But my ship is really a house. Do I scream? Do I give up? Do I complain (once in a while), should I start my own housecleaning business, as I have gotten really go at it the past 20 years. Hmm, there’s a thought for another day. Then again I did mention earlier that I like challenges ( in a previous article). Folks, living with teenagers, 1 adult male and 3 dogs in a large house and yard does present daily challenges. I put my reality in perspective and realize I am happy.

My house will never be in a “Beautiful Homes and Gardens” magazine nor will it ever make it to the state of a “Farms and Gardens” one either. Life really isn’t that bad I realize. I think I just found the happy medium. Clean 2 to 3 times a week, know that you did your best and just accept it even though I was raised that cleanliness was next to godlines. I figure God knows I put my best foot forward and is ever forgiving. Lastly, if my house has a bit of clutter, tad of dirt, and not sterile looking I am making my friends feel better about themselves. Think about it, who in their right mind really wants to visit someone who always has the cleanest neatest house in town? I’ll let each and every one of you answer that one for yourself. I know my answer. But if I ever win a lottery or inherit money, I will hire a housecleaning service so I can take longer hot baths while they clean and restore clean shiny floors to my home helping me achieve godliness my parents tried to teach for years on end. Perhaps my floors look cleaner than I perceive as I am asked a lot by company if we have a 5 second rule for anything that drops on the floor. My answer now is “I don’t but my dogs do!” For the time being, I’ll take the paw printed floors, movie and mail cluttered house, shoes galore by the front door, coats hanging on dining room chairs along with knowing I DID CLEAN earlier and go sit on my favorite leather chair to also put my feet up on the ottoman to relax. Moreover, I can always look at the picture I took a while back to remember the good old days when I had clean shiny floors more than present day. Yet i do believe today is even better as I am in a home many call cozy and well loved by my children, fiance and 3 doodles. Besides who wants to be perfect living in a perfectly clean house with shiny floors all the time?!

So is it nice clean shiny floors? Or a Carpe diem home attitude that is filled with love, laughter and a bit of clutter and some pawprints on my floors ? I’ll take the latter of the two any day.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

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Housebreaking: Part 2

I didn’t realize how babyish a 9 week old puppy is and quickly found out. Their tiny bladders cannot hold much. I lost the extra 6lbs I wanted off by walking 2 puppies. I would like to add that bringing home a new puppy causes the older one to regress in certain ways. Additionally, I was also being reminded of what life was like when my 3 kids were toddlers having only a 4 years age difference amongst them. To this day I will say potty training children are easier than puppies. Either that or I have failed miserably with canines.

Week 1 : Did I mention this is February which is one of the coldest months during winter in Western New York? Max decides he wants to also be a baby puppy again and starts to have a few accidents here and there as well. Great!

Peanut loves the snow! If she could bathe in it, she would. So here we are in single digit temperatures with a puppy wanting to play in the snow and not go potty. The books say come right back in and try again a short while later. Thus, my weight loss now begins or should I say the most natural diet that is free. I was spoiled and so was Dave. Take Max out and he gets right down to business, playing in the snow afterwards. Peanut on the other hand would wait till we became a human ice sculpture till we saw any signs of yellow snow or mounds. It got so bad I would wear ski pants, a scarf, gloves, a hooded mask with only my eyes showing, and my warmest ski coat. I was going out there prepared for a blizzard as I refused to freeze. I hate the cold and now I have another reason to add to my list of winter dislikes. And what was I thinking when we got a 2nd puppy during the middle of winter?

The first two weeks are a blur as Peanut didn’t sleep through the night, would pee 2 times outside finally and leave some mounds then come inside and 10 minutes later leave a cute puppy puddle on my tile floors. Sleep deprivation set in, Dave and I were taking shifts. Nature’s Miracle was our new found friend. My teenagers would comment how I was crazy. And I was beginning to think they were right. Making hot chocolate was a daily event for warmth. I also was so happy to fit into my old jeans once again, so all was not a loss. Dave didn’t lose as much weight as he snacks more than me. I told him to walk the dogs longer. He didn’t appreciate my humor at the time.

Now a good way to upset housetraining is for your puppy to have roundworms. So the day Max was being neutered, Peanut had uncontrollable diarrhea due to roundworms. To this day I will never forget my 15 year old son helping me out. My heart grew so warm. At the same time I had the vet calling by 11am to inform me that I could take Max home at anytime. Seems he was full of energy to put it mildly and barking his head off as I could hear him in the background. I was up to my eyeballs in poop, walking a dog in artic tundra temperature, trying to get ready for work, telling my son I would PAY him to help out (he refused the money) and said Max would be picked up around 5pm or so when Dave got out of work, Besides a vet charges you for daily care. I was getting my $20 worth for sure.

Dave brings Max home and medicine for Peanut. Her poop firmness is restored the next day and we get back on track to housebreaking issues. Max is moving slowly and now decides to dribble here and there in 4 ft long sections. The following week we buy a black light and special urine remover. That very night we turned off all the bedroom lights and went to work with our new black light urine finder. Oh no, we had a mine field in our own bedroom! I had purple spots and trails from one end to the other. So while Dave showered I sprayed and sprayed till my fingers became cramped up. I kept muttering under my breath with Dave going, “Honey what are you saying I can’t hear you! ” to which I replied, ” Never mind ok?!” It took me over an hour to erase the purple hues of urine off my grey carpet. At this point I realized life was getting more complicated. I don’t ever remember having this much trouble with dogs in the past. So back to square one and start all over again. Now I must say one has to have a sense of humor when raising 2 puppies or you will go nuts. And nerves can get frayed thus attitudes can develop like a silent volcano coming to life unexpectedly. I get creative with walking 2 dogs; I begin to barter with Dave. Hey, why not, if it works! Dave says something about not winning with women. I offer to cook better meals, do more wash, run errands, or whatever it takes not to go back outside again in what I consider to be insanely cold temperatures. Also, if it’s snowing outside and this is your dog’s first encounter (with snow) he/she will try to jump up to catch snowflakes forgetting about going potty. Dave is good sport only cashing in on about 50% of my bartering favors. We begin to get along better now. Now I would like to know who said dogs can’t remember when they go poop or pee in your house. Was it B.F. Skinner? Because I find it hard to believe a dog can remember Stay, Come, Sit, Down, Heel, different words and sentences, not come up on your bed except by invitation only, stay off all furniture but NOT remember going inside your house when you walk them almost 24/7 to go outside giving tons of praise. I have now figured out a way to determine who went what inside! And I am not selling my secret at a low price of $24.99 today only as seen on TV! Nope, I am giving it to you for free due the kindness of my heart. Take each dog out and whoever goes both numbers for you did NOT go inside. A plain and simple strategy if you ask me. However, things do get complicated when both dogs don’t go outside and now you scratch your head. Freebie lesson number two: learn to memorize which dog does what kind of poop. Now if they get sick or have worms, good luck cause then it gets frustrating and puzzling.

I have heard of doggy camps where they will train your dog for you. I am almost ready to ship one of mine for this. I can teach a dog numerous tricks and respect, I am the leader, I am the Alpha, and I am first, and so on. Max is 95% housebroken with only an occasional accident if sick with digestive issues. I can deal with that. Heck I’ve known grown adults to leave skid marks when in times of troubling digestive issues. Peanut on the other hand presents challenges. She can pee 2 times outside, go leave a beautiful firm mound come inside and 15 minutes later while playing squat at your feet and release a puddle! I think she’s catching on though as well I yell the infamous “Nooooooooooooooooo” she stops and promptly is put on a leash and finishes outside. I say she is slow to mature in some areas. I have to do some justification or I am going to start losing my patience.

I also remember my kids and potty training them. My first child we tried at 2 years old. That was a no go and tried again with success at age 2.5 years old. My second child was 3 years old and my third child was 3.5 years old when they were full potty trained. Like I said, justification tells you they all mature at different rates. Possibly this is the same way with puppies and I keep hearing an old saying in my head, “This too will soon pass”. I have faith, patience and a gallon jug of Nature’s Miracle on hand at all times. I figure by the time I finish writing this article Peanut will be housebroken and I’ll be bored not having to walk her constantly and scrub floors. Also to remind myself that dogs do not take years to housetrain only months in my case.

Oh, for those of you that think I am not good at housebreaking. You are 100% correct and can come over anytime to show me the right way. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. For a limited time only, I can lend you my puppy that will shower you with kisses, lie by your feet, snuggle in your arms, greet you eagerly every time you enter a room and promptly pee on your floor the second you turn your head. And then you can tell me how easy it is to housetrain my puppy.

NOTE: Since writing this article BOTH Max and Peanut are 100% housetrained (finally). Guess what? Dave and I had recently experienced a case of “temporary insanity”. Last week we managed to come home with Beau, a sweet, red, 4 month old male Goldendoodle puppy who is NOT housetrained. Hopefully ‘Housebreaking: Part 3” will be written as a success story. If not then “If at first you don’t succeed, Try , try again “ and make sure your bottle of Nature’s Miracle is not empty.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Housebreaking: Part 2

Dogs and the cost of their toys

We all realize the real costs of owning a dog AFTER going to our vet’s office for the 1st set of shots and possible emergency visit. But what about when we are off to Petsmart or Petco or any store that sells pet supplies?

First of all, the list contains multiple items, such as: a crate, leash, collar, dog food, bowls for food and water, a doggy bed, shampoo, conditioner, treats, and let’s not forget “Nature’s Miracle” for those far and few between “accidents” while housetraining a puppy. I am not going to add up all these costs for you or myself, as any dog owner already knows this: it comes to a lot of money, period. And those of you with children, dogs cost considerably less than a baby or should I say a teenager?

Fine, right? It is part of having a wonderful cute sweet adorable puppy. Besides how else are you going to take great pictures of your dog playing? YOU need toys when in reality we are supposed to say, “Your dog is the one who needs toys”. I have found that even men love to shop for dog toy which truly amazes me. Ever go to a pet store and look at a special stuffed animal that may cost $20 or more? A woman will say that is too much money and put it back. Or rather there are some of us women that love to find a good deal and realize it isn’t, so we put the toy back. Whereas Dave, my fiancé, will purchase it right then and there. He is a man that knows a good deal when he sees it: our two doodles will play for hours first having a tug of war party then move on to the de-squeak and de-fuzz stage meanwhile he can watch a movie in peace. That kind of logic can make sense but women love to hunt down the best deal (on toys). It is part of our genetic make up. As they say a man will pay $20 for a $10 item if he thinks he needs it or will give him freedom. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item even if we don’t need it because it was on sale and a good deal.

Not too long ago, while sipping my coffee and relaxing at my dining room table, Max and Peanut had almost every toy they own scattered around me. When I got up to get my caffeine refill I realized my two dogs had as many toys as a 3 to 5 year old! Was I nuts?! Or had Dave and I become like my friends that treat their dogs like their babies? Guilty as charged. Now came the part of adding up the cost of toys for Max. I’ll add in the “Peanut” factor later.

1. One eviscerated 3 foot long skunk now squeaker-less but tasty: $26.99 (Dave’s logic of a good deal).

2. Intact with squeaker but de-fuzzed and slightly de-seamed 2 foot long Moose and Buffalo $40.00 (And yes, Dave also bought these due to male logic).

3. Two ducks licked to death and only one quacks but is still missing a foot: $20.00

4. One white and blue intact KONG teether that will bounce crazily if thrown: $8.00 but priceless if you ask me.

5. Miscellaneous small plush squeaker toys no longer replaced as we found out that “carcasses” are still considered fun to further shred: $30.00 to-date.

6. Tennis balls now in a landfill somewhere stripped of fuzz and with holes in them: $15.00

7. A 5 squeaker Felix the cat now down to 3 squeakers, partially stuffed and in bad need of a washing: $9.00

8. Big rubber teething ring totally intact with very few teeth marks to-date: $4.99 (one of my better deals I found).

9. Soccer ball found at Goodwill and still not deflated: $1.00 (wow!)

10. Two wiggly jiggly alien sounding rubber balls, one no longer has sound and the other has a few puncture marks but both still are safe from destruction: $14.00

11. One small, red, rubber KONG ball that is missing again and not under my couch or chairs as I checked those spots first: $8.00

12: Miscellaneous costs: you do NOT want to know. This is when you realize the cost goes up consid
erably. Why? Because it is expensive to replace a pair of shoes, one pair of winter boots, one pair of prescription glasses with puppy teeth marks that makes it hard to see out of them clearly, a wool rug with a nice oblong 3 by 7 inch hole, at least 12 pairs of socks to-date (maybe more), one hooded sweatshirt that is missing its hood, one set of headphones with the sound part not in working order presently, one Bluetooth presently toothless and going to a landfill soon, and I am going to be sick if I continue on any further.

13. Cost of playing with your dog and receiving their unending love: PRICELESS.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLTION: Get PROMOTED at work to make more $$$$ in order to buy more toys and keep up with miscellaneous costs. Or work overtime? Or pick up a part-time job on the side? OR learn to let my dogs only have the toys listed above that last and keep playing with the ones that are still recognizable in one form or another. Do not throw them out until they are considered hazardous to their digestive system and my purse.

Yes folks, my priorities have finally been set for me by a dog. So why use Visa or MasterCharge when you can pay as you go? Thus, no finance charges—isn’t that a savings? Moreover, I forgot to add in the cost of a digital camera. Actually the cost is not much when compared to the pictures and memories I have taken and stored to-date. OH regarding Peanut: the cost does not go up with a second dog. As Peanut, our second dog, loves hand-me-downs. Fantastic! Two doodle dogs provide my family and I with two times the love and all the money in the world could not buy the fun, laughter and love we experience. For some reason I have stopped adding up the cost of my dogs’ toys as it now seems minimal. Spending more time with my family and dogs is counted on more.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Dogs and the cost of their toys

Circus Peanut: a Goldendoodle?

Somewhere, somehow I lost my sanity completely this past year. I thought 18yrs of marriage, 3 kids in 4 years, in-laws, a divorce, and then teenagers would do me in. No, somehow I managed to maintain some sanity and dignity too. I forgot to add I have a fiancé, Dave. Things also got a bit easier as Max and my kids were getting bigger. So what do I do? Well it’s like having an ice cream sundae with the hot fudge, walnuts, whip cream and now let’s put the cherry on top and add a tiny bit more hot fudge on top to complete it. Yes folks, I got another doodle, however this time I got a Goldendoodle. I swore I wasn’t going to get another dog, but I did. So instead of having 1001 reasons why not to get a dog, I ended up getting two. Dave always had golden retrievers growing up and is now in seventh heaven. So am I as our Goldendoodle doesn’t shed at all.My breeder had a litter of puppies at the end of November 2006 and for some reason I really believed I could help her socialize the Goldendoodle puppies and NOT come home with one. I am either softening up or had one of my more disillusioned moments in life for sure. I would like to add that I am also happy I cannot have children anymore as babies are just as contagious.Weekly I help out my breeder, holding and playing with these tiny bundles of joy called Goldendoodles. Then I get to thinking maybe Max does need a playmate. And why wait till Max is a year old and grown up, why not do it now. Have 2 puppies close in age, meaning total chaos like I did with 3 kids but when they mature things tend to get calmer. I mean why would you want to raise a puppy into adulthood and start over again, right? This is where I believe I lost all sanity or what was left of it. My new motto in life is “I lost my mind but I am having too much fun not looking for it”.

Two to three times a week I drive the 4 miles to my breeder’s residence where I had gotten Max. Once again I set forth with what I thought I wanted but with a few changes. I wanted an older puppy this time as Max was much easier to train at 13 weeks old. The reddish puppies were really gorgeous especially with their wavy coats. Another laid back male would be nice as I heard female dogs aren’t called bitches for nothing. And last but not least, the temperament must be sweet, submissive and an easy going like Max.

So for the next 4 weeks I have this chunky monkey, roly poly, red puppy picked out. I ended up calling him Tonka as he was just like a Tonka Truck: nice, sturdy, durable, and could push his way through anything. He was a huge, red, ever so laid back Goldendoodle. Even the breeder agreed that Tonka would be an ideal match for us and Max.

Now there was this cream to golden colored female I nicknamed Peanut when she was only 2 weeks old as she was the runt of the litter. At 3 weeks old, Peanut was a Lewis and Clark expedition gal being the first one of the litter to explore everything around her. Peanut was not afraid of anyone or anything. She walked tall as she could and proud as well.When only 4 weeks old, hoses used to water the horses were to be held back by Peanut, sinking her teeth into it and holding on for dear life. Didn’t the horses realize Peanut was fierce and brave saving them from a water hose death? Peanut turns into ricochet rabbit: Bing, bing, bing— she was off running and bouncing about the barn independently.

Kinetic energy was Peanut’s middle name. I always commented how cute she was but the breeder and I agreed she would be too much for me as I wanted a more laid back puppy and preferably a male again. I did my best not to pick her up, always saying “Peanut honey, you are so cute and I’d love to take you home but you have too much energy for me”.Peanut never took this rejection as a personal insult, instead she always was the nice female puppy making her way to the front to say ‘Hi, pick me, pick me”. Somehow she never fought with her littermates as her stance and sharp bark alone made her littermates back off. But it was also like you could hear her say, “Look, Annmarie is here again and I must say hello to her. Excuse me, excuse me, thank you.” Somehow she always managed to get right up front. The few times she didn’t, Peanut had a way of jumping up in the air without knocking any other littermates over, making sure I noticed her. You could hear her quietly going “Hi, pick me, hello, pick me”. Peanut from day one made sure she was going to be our newest addition. I just didn’t know it at the time.

One day I thought I had the other cream female puppy asleep inside my coat for over a half-hour. The breeder finally said, “You do know who you’re holding don’t you?” I looked down, it was Peanut!! I almost shrieked and put her down so fast! She had gotten me lock, stock and barrel! She had finally succeeded in making me fall head over heels in love with her.

Long story short, Dave and the boys wanted a female puppy. And have heard many times that female gets along better with a male dog. However, I always had male dogs; I didn’t know much about female dogs. Next thing I know Peanut acts like the perfect puppy around all of us now when we all visit weekly. I am a woman so you think I’d know a thing or two by now about females.

Finally I agree to think about Peanut but still had my eye on the roly poly red puppy. Peanut has so much energy yet acts submissive around me and so sweet. Knowing the breeder prefers to keep the puppies with the litter until they’re around 10 weeks old, I figure I have time to think this over. Or was it to rethink the insane decision to add a second puppy into our life? Did I mention we had “pick” of the litter.

Somehow the mild, almost nonexistent, winter here in Western, NY took a turn for the worst. Temperatures were going into the single digits with wind chill factors to be enacted like a cold artic tundra simulation. My breeder called asking us to take our puppy by Saturday. It was Thursday and Peanut was only 9 weeks old! I wasn’t ready for this puppy this soon. Needless to say Saturday morning at 9:30am we showed up to take home Peanut, our kinetic energy puppy. I don’t remember the exact day but it was in early February, a nice sunny but cold and snowy day.

Once home, Peanut was just the opposite of Max. She didn’t stick by my side being a shadow attached with Velcro. No, our little princess Peanut had to explore every nook and cranny. And the cute puppy soon became an energizer bunny that had too many quarters inserted into her back.

Now Max, Peanut’s half brother, a huge, black, 50 lb, overexcited 7 month old Labradoodle puppy was waiting to find a squeaker toy inside her. Even worse, he licked her to death, nibbled her fur, and could put her whole head inside his mouth doing his own version of the circus lion trick. Max became turbocharged with happiness and refused to settle down. Peanut was now rethinking if SHE made a mistake picking us as no one told her about Max. I figured we were even now. She fooled me into thinking she was a sweet little angel and I didn’t warn her that she would not be an only child in our home.

Week one: Peanut finds she can nip and tuck then run under my dining room chair for safety as Max could not fit under it. Max thought of Peanut as a new battery operated toy scooting across the floor. This was going to be fun folks as never a dull moment would be had in my household again. We also found out why female dogs are called bitches. Peanut, is one and does that, when tired. Nap time restores good humor back into Peanut, most of the time. You see, Peanut had to learn Max was bigger and just wanted to play. Her real frustration grew partly out of being tired. The other part was for her to teach Max that SHE was going to be the boss which wasn’t easy to teach to him since he was a ‘whatever” attitude type of male always coming back for more. Nothing Peanut did fazed Max in the least. And at times he would just put his big paw on her and hold her down for a few seconds. You could almost hear the Mutley giggle under his breath while Max kept the ever so innocent look on his face, giving me the infamous male “What?” look.We set up a puppy kennel for peanut. This way she could play yet be watched at all times. I knew we were in trouble on the 3rd day we had her. She somehow managed to escape 3 times one morning with me chastising Max. Seriously, how can a 9 week old puppy move a kennel and get out without some help from another dog, namely Max. The 4th time this happened I turned around just in time to see Peanut climbing up, over and out of a 2.5 ft high kennel like a person climbing a ladder. I didn’t know a 14 pound puppy could climb. I do now. The next day Dave made the kennel 4 ft high and felt quite proud to outsmart a puppy. This lasted maybe a whole hour. Yes, Peanut was caught climbing up and out of the now 4 ft high kennel. Crate training began that same day. But I am NOT going to say with total success.A few days later we were to learn Peanut was part Houdini as I awoke one morning to find her and Max playing in my bedroom. I will admit I wasn’t fully awake and thought how cute they were till I realized they were both loose while I had been sleeping. Dave happened to have called right at that moment, and I proceeded to ask him why in his right mind he’d let a 10 week old puppy be loose with no supervision with Max, a 7 month old puppy. Dave replied, “Honey, she was asleep in her crate when I left for work this morning. In fact, I didn’t walk either dog as they were both asleep.” I immediately got off the phone as shock now set in. I raced them out the door for the morning potty walk come in and set out to find my supplies for accidents.

Step 1: Remember where your glasses are and put them on as I am blind as a bat without them.

Step 2: Get a whole paper towel roll, a bottle of Nature’s Miracle and don’t forget a plastic bag (or two).

Step 3: Take a deep breath to prepare yourself for the worst. Now go back upstairs to the bedroom to hunt and find accidents in need of cleaning.

Step 4: Do NOT trip over the 2 puppies following you playing on and around your feet.

Step 5: Find no accidents anywhere and now get on your hands and knees checking under covers, move anything on the floor and laugh with relief.

Step 6: Realize that nothing was peed nor pooped or chewed on and wonder why. This is the 8th wonder of the world folks as you realize when you watch puppies during the day there are puddles and tootsie roll surprises to be had if you blink long enough. Yet be asleep and somehow 2 puppies manage to be perfect little angels leaving everything untouched, intact and no surprises. I don’t understand this and refuse to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I now begin to realize I may be in over my head and life will never be the same again. The bright side is there will never be a dull moment again in my house! As they say “poop happens” which is another story for another time. For the time being, I have very little sanity left. What I do have instead is a better sense of humor, patience and love to be had in abundance on a daily basis. Do I dare add also two doodles that are quickly becoming partners in crime?

Batman and Robin move over as I have the new dynamic duo: two doodles. And with regards to my sanity, I do believe it is locked away in Pandora’s Box for safe keeping. Hopefully no one in my family has the key as my sense of humor is being developed more deeply on a daily basis. Like I said before, I lost my mind and I am having too much fun NOT looking for it.

Life’s surprises are now intermixed with Max and Peanut’s comical yet loving ways that envelop our hearts.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: Circus Peanut: a Goldendoodle?

DOODLES vs TEENAGERS: Is one better for your Health over the other?

Warning: Labradoodles are very addicting! After a few months of owning one, you notice signs of being a Doodleaholic. You are not of a right mind when you begin to think of owning two! By now, you have joined some dog club via internet and either do doodle romps, try to meet people with other doodles to play with your doodle and your teenage kids now tell you that you love your Labradoodle more than them. Or perhaps you stalk others when walking their dog going, “Honey, look there’s another Labradoodle. Come on, if we walk quicker we can catch up to them.” I do believe that is called stalking. Doesn’t matter, what matters is you alert for anyone else that has a doodle dog and share in the laughter and love they create.

Think about it, kids take how long to mature about 18 years or so, versus a dog taking maybe 2 or 3 years to mature. Maybe my kids are right when they say I love my doodles more than them. I’ll have to think more on this one. Okay, I’m done, yes it was quick.

Kids do not pick clothes up off the floor where they drop them. Dogs pick up socks, shoes, shirts or anything they find on a floor. Kids leave dirty dishes in their rooms. To this day I wonder how many new forms of penicillin are yet to be discovered in a teenager’s bedroom. Dogs are great at cleaning dirty dishes.

Kids get driving permits. Parents and dogs suffer in the backseat tucking their heads down in order not to see the near misses with other cars.

Kids break curfews coming home late at night with you waiting up worrying to death and wanting to kill them the moment they walk in the door. Dogs bark letting you know when kids come home after curfew. I love when my teenagers are busted by a puppy.

Dogs don’t complain about their picture being taken or how it makes them look. Okay they may lick a lens but at least they are willing subjects.

Kids have fist fights and if one is a female then holds a grudge for weeks or possibly for months. Dogs can have a fight establishing who the boss is and that’s the end of it. Dogs do NOT hold grudges. Ever get mad at your dog? And how long before they are trying to give you kisses? Or just walk out of the room and walk back in a minute later only to see your dog wagging its tail happily to see you again. Teenagers are like women, they bring things up from the past— dogs don’t (perhaps that is why dogs are called Mans best friend).

Kids do not take their dishes off the table when done eating. My dog, Max, not only eats everything, licking his bowl clean, he also promptly brings his food bowl putting it on my lap after each meal.

Kids hate vacuuming. Or if they say, “Alright, I’ll do it”, then they proceed to suck up anything in sight except the dogs usually clogging the vacuum in the process. Dogs are better than vacuums finding each and every tidbit, gleefully using their tongues to lick up findings on the floor, don’t clog up and don’t break belts either.

Dogs do not ask for money, or to use your car, and don’t argue with you. Dogs can be crated for timeouts. Crate a kid and you are charged with child abuse.

Dogs can be taught to ring bells to go outside and don’t leave doors open, rather they can open doors. And if they jump on the door, guess what—they’ve just closed it for you. Teenagers need revolving doors especially when they have friends over leaving the door open during winter, each time heating the great outdoors.

Kids help create dust bunnies, dogs find them wearing them on their noses letting you when it’s time to dust again.

Teenagers do not answer the door when someone is knocking but dogs alert you to every person not only at your door but also every UPS and FedEx delivery in your neighborhood. Now I will admit I do love all 3 of my teenagers. But when dog chews a sock it can be thrown out and easily replaced. When your child puts a hole in plaster walls, breaks an antique crock, uses your wooden spoon to make wooden dowels for a project, eats a whole half gallon of ice cream you bought 24 hours ago, well there are days my priorities of human versus canine love, does get rearranged into a different order: dogs being at the top of the list with my teenagers following in order of what stress they have created for that particular week. I am just being honest and do not play favorites until my spare car is missing along with a teenager that didn’t ask first along with not calling home to check in.

There are a few similarities between kids and dogs. Like I said, there are just a FEW.

Both can and will waste toilet paper and paper towels. Messes made by teenagers are done by “Not me” whereas dogs usually conceal theirs digestively whenever possible.

Both can make you laugh, both need guidance. However, dogs mature much quicker and will do tasks repeatedly for a treat. Teenagers do things when they know you have threatened their life or take away car keys.

Kids are trained for years yet do the same things over and over again. Okay, how many times has anyone heard a parent saying, “How many times have I told you….asked you…” etc. Perhaps even your own parents stated the same to you at one time? Dogs can be trained and show results if consistent with them. Kids don’t do this till they have their own kids and/or own their own home.

So when asked by my teenagers if I love my doodle dogs more than them, there have been moments when I do have a tough time answering as if I reflect long enough they may be right! I have been raising kids for 19 years now and they have yet to mature. According to statistics, dog books and owners the average dog is an adult when 3 years old.

So YES there are days my doodles LOWER my blood pressure and my teenagers make it so high I could probably swing a big ole mallet and ring the bell at a carnival.

I LOVE my dogs, I LOVE peace and quiet; I LOVE how my dogs greet me whether I am gone 5 seconds, 5 minutes or 5 hours. I LOVE my teenagers but some days I do question if dogs are better for my health.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: DOODLES vs TEENAGERS: Is one better for your Health over the other?

Phfffft, Over Here

NOW that I have your attention, you are probably wondering what “Phfffft” means? Well I no longer do. Phfffft means run for cover IF you are lucky enough to hear this sound when it comes from your dog. If you don’t hear a “phfffft” sound, then it is called a ”SBD”: silent but deadly. Still unsure of what I mean? SBD and phfffft means your dog has just farted and usually does this sweet act when company is visiting your household.

Last Thanksgiving my parents and brother were driving almost 6 hours to stay with me for a whole week. I was so excited! They never visited that long before and finally could meet Max, our cute 5 month old Labradoodle. However, Max had been having digestive “issues” with different dog foods which I failed to mention (to my family). At the time, we were trying a new natural dog food that was working well except for one problem: Max was beginning to toot daily now. What did we do? First, we cut out ALL treats and bought Fabreeze to “clear” the air. There was one problem though, Dave and my teenage boys were beginning to rate them! Okay, this may be funny to some but to a woman this was horrible. How could anyone find this funny let alone rate them like it was the Olympics? I really wasn’t finding much humor in my house smelling like a bean factory.

Solution: find another brand of dog food since I really believed Max once again wasn’t digesting some ingredient properly. Action: forget to buy new dog food and continue cleaning your house for the arrival of company while spraying Fabreeze.

When I do housecleaning somehow I get sidetracked and what started out as simple straightening up and mopping ends up where I wash every piece of clothing, tablecloth, towels, anything in sight that is worn, sat at or slept on. Oh wait, I just saw dust bunnies, off I go on another tangent—here goes 2 hours of dusting and polishing furniture. Then I sweep and vacuum. For some reason I then think, “Oh now I have to do the bathrooms”, out comes Mr Clean, then Orange Glo for the laminate floors. Somehow running to the pet store to get new dog food gets forgotten. Why? Because after cleaning everything in sight, I realize I have to get started on acorn squash, pies, and whatever else we women feel the need to make the night before Thanksgiving. Thus, my parents and brother are due to arrive any minute and Max is now delivering SBD’s at a more frequent rate and I am furiously spraying every room with Fabreeze while Dave and my teenagers are giggling.

My family arrives and within 10 minutes of being in our house Max is letting one rip every 5 to 10 minutes for the first hour. Each time we would move away, sometimes to the next room, to no avail. YES, Max followed us each and every time. I would nonchalantly spray the Fabreeze acting like nothing out the ordinary was going on and ask my parents to continue talking. Finally, we could not take it any longer and I sprayed Max with the Fabreeze! By now everyone was holding their stomach in pain from laughter. This went on for 4 days nonstop. YES Dave and I managed to go to the store and purchase a different brand of dog food. Needless to say during my parents’ visit we used over a half a bottle of Fabreeze in my house. Max was a big hit in more ways than one. The jokes that erupted when Dave and I tried to state that Labradoodles do not have a “doggy” odor, always smelling fresh and clean amongst their other admirable traits, fell on deaf ears. We couldn’t be heard above the sound of laughter coming from my whole family.

The other good one is when you are watching a movie with 2 teenage boys, a fiancé and our doodle, Max. One night I kept saying, “OK who did it? I want you to stop right now and also leave the room. That is not very nice you know and really bad manners.” So we go through the “Blame Game”, accusing each other to releasing a SBD, with everyone laughing so hard saying, “I didn’t do it”. Seriously, these were real bad! Tears would come to your eyes, blankets had to be held over heads to find fresh air, and yes laughter erupted spontaneously. What we didn’t realize was that the SBD culprit was laying on the floor by our feet. Okay, I had switched Max onto his new dog food so I figured it wasn’t him—-wrong! Because when we finally were all silent we could hear a little “phfffft” and I start the “Blame Game” again. This went on and off for approximately a half hour. Finally, we look down and hear Max going “phfffft ”. Once again I was on the mad hunt for the Fabreeze as maybe they weren’t that silent this time but they sure were deadly. Eventually, we found the right dog food for Max. The Fabreeze bottle is gathering dust at the moment, thankfully I might add.

My family and I now find other ways in life to obtain laughter as Max tolerates his food quite well. SBD’s are no longer a daily event from Max. However, every so often I do hear the “phffft” sound. Seems last Christmas, Dave thought it would be funny to buy my teenage boys a fart machine you hide under a chair and activate with a remote control.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved.

Read more: Phfffft, Over Here

HOUSETraining….Part 1

Housetraining: where an intelligent adult human tries to teach a canine puppy how to PEE PEE and POOP OUTSIDE on the ground and NOT inside the house. There are no instructions attached to your puppy’s collar or any taped to the crate.

Fine, I know how to read articles on the internet and use common sense as well. Besides, I raised 3 kids born 4 years apart. One was trained at age 2, the other at age 2.5 years old and the 3rd child at 3 years old. I didn’t use treats, kept a constant eye on them, bought them the “big boy” and ”big girl” panties. OH and what praise I would lavish on them when they went potty. Yes there were a few accidents here and there but in a short time period each and every child of mine were easily housetrained. Each child was different due to maturity and willingness. But now we’re talking about a cute 13 week old puppy that I am told can be trained in weeks, not months or years, using consistency! Alright, how hard can this be? Dave was just looming over my shoulder a moment ago reading this and now is in the other room snickering away. I asked him what was so funny and got the reply, “Nothing honey” while he wears his Cheshire cat smile and stays quiet. (Smart man if you ask me)

Alright, here is the real truth on our housetraining skills: I have a college degree in computer information systems, graduated in the top 4% of my college with a 3.85 GPA, was vice president of Phi Theta Kappa, have 15 years experience in landscape design, completed Toastmasters Inc with numerous awards, was on the board of directors for Cornell University Cooperative Extension, a Master Gardner and the list continues. So for the time being I consider myself to be a responsible, somewhat intelligent, organized woman that uses common sense daily along with humor. HOWEVER, housetraining is NOT a course you can take at college (notice I did not use the phrase “hands on training”). I may not possess the greatest of canine housetraining skills. Yet I do have the power of positive thought and the good old “try, try again till we reach success” attitude! So what do Dave and I do? OH, we enthusiastically read every article on housetraining [success] stories we can find on the internet, absorbing that puppies primarily need walking right after sleeping, playing, and eating. Okay, we walk Max every 30min for the first week, commending him with GOOD BOY! Good POTTY MAX! And Max is so darn happy wagging his stumpy tail like he won the jackpot of dog treats. Wow this is great! Or is it?

When your puppy does circles acting like it is trying to catch its stumpy tail, well it is cute. That is till you realize your puppy is now doing number two on the floor while you stand there in total shock. Finally the brain registers what is really happening. Then you try to remember quickly where the leash is, try to run out with your puppy that is in mid poop, saying “Noooooooooooo” while picking him up and run out the door so he can finish outside what he has already finished in the house. Some dogs I hear are trained in under 2 weeks. Is that a mail order dog? Or am I just lucky enough to get the dog that helps me lose the extra 6lbs by walking him every 30 to 45min for weeks on end? I must say my Labradoodle puppy is great for speeding up my metabolism and other times curbing my appetite. Nature’s Miracle is now a household word and we bought the 1.5 gallon jug complete with a motorized power spray handle as Max somehow didn’t quite catch on quickly to housetraining. I now re-strategize what ARE WE doing wrong? Why? Well, Max does prove himself to be highly intelligent in other areas, like faking a poop or pee when he sees a treat.

BUT at the moment carpets seem to be the number one choice spot for Max, with tiles and laminate floors being second, the crate being the third, and for some reason the icy, partly snow covered grass being last choice. We do not tell anyone yet of our failure, instead when asked how it is going we just reply, “Max is doing really well as he doesn’t pee in the house at all and can hold it all night long” and promptly change the subject.

To be continued later on as right now Max needs a potty walk OUTSIDE and NOW.

PS: Did you hug your doodle today?

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved

Read more: HOUSETraining….Part 1

The EARLY Days with MAX

Luckily we never missed a night’s sleep as Max slept through the night as long as we let him sleep on our bed. Max hates crates. So does Dave. I lost the battle of crate training as Max can howl better than a hound and Dave cannot tolerate more than one minute of Max’s heartbreaking cries and howling. I give in as I just want to sleep. Max immediately becomes my shadow. He’s sticks to me like glue not venturing out of any room unless he is close by me. Wow, I think this is so adorable. Well it is till you learn you don’t pee alone, bathe alone, actually you will never be alone again. The breeder was right, black dogs don’t show dirt. However, she failed to mention you cannot see a black dog at nighttime. So about once a week I fall over Max in my bedroom while trying to either get ready for bed or get up at 5am for work. Oh, you also don’t know if your black dog has pooped or peed as Max is the same color as night—Black. I mention to Dave that I would like a pair of night vision goggles.

Feeding Max is challenging as puppies at one point decide not to take interest in their food at one point or another. So how do you get them to really want their dry dog food? You sit on the floor, pick up their food bowl and act like you are eating the yummiest food around in town making noises while pushing your puppy away. Works like a dream and luckily none of your friends or family sees you doing this.

Bathing Max is too easy as he loves water, possibly maybe too much? Max has learned to get a running start and try to slide and jump in the bathtub with me. So I end up standing up every 3 minutes thwarting his tactical maneuvers. I learn to take real quick baths. And I failed to mention my bedroom is also approx 700sq ft and the master bathroom has no door. This makes for a good running start for Max to try to sail into my bathtub with me .Although I must say after two weeks, Max learned to lie down on the floor and wait for me to bath quickly. Okay, I’ll admit I used treats to convince him to lie down.

Max also loves showers. However, he did once lie down while I was shampooing him and it took considerable convincing to get him to stand back up to rinse the shampoo. To this day I have never seen a dog almost go to sleep while bathing him. Now blow dryers are another story. Max feels that he needs to protect himself and the family from this deadly predator—my blow dryer. Barking didn’t work nor did running and coming back to jump at it. Lastly, Max quickly learned that licking a hot blower dryer is not fun either. So, Mom lost, Max won…no blow dryers for Max. Just towel dry him and then go sit on our bedroom terrace letting him air dry naturally works best. Yet I do not understand how I can blow dry my hair with Max lying at my feet peacefully ignoring a blow dryer. Maybe since I am the leader of the pack he feels I have control over it?

Max is a born retriever. Throw something he brings it back each and every time. No one said though he would want to do this about 300 times a day starting the moment you opened your eyelids till you went to sleep. My teenage boys are ecstatic! They can now play fetch for about 10 minutes that is and I get to take over again. However, I must say trying to watch a movie while throwing a toy does develop one’s multitasking abilities, both mentally and physically.

Labradoodles I believe must have the best hearing of all breeds of dogs. Why do I say this? Remember, Max is my shadow. Dave can get up for work, get ready, come in and out of the room, put on lights if necessary, and brush his teeth and so on. Does Max move even an inch? NOPE. Let me move my eyes and POP my eyelids open, and Max is on full alert raring to start his day.

Now comes potty time. I try to race off first to the bathroom then stumble down the stairs , try to think of coffee while two adorable doodle eyes are pleading to go out, grab a coat instead of my coffee mug, put Dave’s boots on the wrong feet ( it stabilizes me so I don’t trip while shuffling outside) and take Max out. I stand out in the cold air seeing my breath wishing it were steam from a cup of hot coffee, going,” Come on Max go potty. YES good boy, oh what a good boy”. We then trudge, rather he runs I stumble up the stairs blindly being led by a hyper, wide awake dog back to the front door. Once inside I think, “ohhhh hot coffee, yes please”. I am now being dodged by a dog with a toy in his mouth, doing figure 8’s around my legs while grabbing onto anything to hold me upright while strategizing my way to the coffee pot in the kitchen. Ten minutes later after throwing his toy about 10 times, I arrive at the coffee pot with my shadow in tow, Max. I pour a ½ cup as I like to sip small amounts so it stays hot while making my way to the dining room table. I sit down with a hot steaming cup of coffee just about to sip it. Oomph— Max brings his toy and ½ his body onto my lap. Great, now my coffee is dribbling down my chin and shirt. Okay so I love this dog and put my cup of coffee down, laughing and rubbing his head. He proceeds to drop his toy and slowly slip off my lap like a sloth to get it. Here’s me my chance to have coffee. Oh wait, it’s now lukewarm. I get up; repeat the process of obtaining another hot coffee again not realizing Max will start his lap toy game all over again. I give in saying I can wait a bit for coffee as he needs attention. That is love—waiting to have your morning coffee as for years that was the first procedure of the day, sipping hot coffee before being full awake/

I try crate training while no one is home since Dave and my teenage boys are far from impervious to howling cries. Guess what? I soon come to the conclusion I can’t either, out Max comes from his crate. Max 2 points, Mom zero.

Sweeping the floor has become a real task as Max the protector will save me from the man/dog eating enemy. Barking, dodging, finally stepping on the broom stops it from sweeping. Super Max saves the day and mom puts away the broom. Vacuums are the worst enemy around town. I finally try to explain to Max that NO means the vacuum cleaner is friendly and OUT means OUT and now.

After several weeks, Max learns a vacuum is my friend but still needs careful watching at it can eat up things on the floor. The broom is still not an acceptable visitor yet, Max needs more convincing on that one as it pushes things around and takes his toys away at times which is not good in any dog’s eyes and/or reasoning (that is if they reason at all). Time is on my side. Besides, having Max to love is more important now than having the cleanest floors in town.

The contents of this blog site are copyright (c) 2007, Annmarie Sparks. All Rights Reserved.

Read more: The EARLY Days with MAX